Look into their eyes, what do you see?

Some emotions I captured long back. For some reason they still move me. What inspired me to click these pictures? I don't know. Maybe it was the look in their eyes or the fact that they didn't even have shoes and yet they never complained.

 Maybe the years of hard work etched on the old man's skin.

Maybe the fact that the boy spent 10 years of his life begging and saving, so he could buy a shoe polishing box, so he can earn money through hard-work and quit begging.

 This is the life we don't know about, this is the life we easily ignore, this is the life we don't want to talk about and ignore to easily.

We complain about petty things not realising how much God has given us. We should be thankful for what we have, just like they are, for what they have.

Catching up with old friends.

Its been long since I last saw them, I have to say I miss them a lot but most of all I miss the things we use to do together. I miss sitting under our college tree bunking classes, I miss having the horrible Rajma chawal everyday under the same tree, I miss driving all the way to Trivani art gallery just to pee. I miss sitting in my car with air conditioning at full blast because its so hot outside. I miss all my friends.

But Harsheet and Kanika, they are the best friends that I have known so far. All three of us so different from one another and yet so close. That is the thing about friendship, sometimes you will be friends with the oddest of people, people you can't relate to, people who can't relate to you and yet you will find this common ground that becomes a platform for your friendship. 

Harsheet  is calm, composed and very mature for her age. I remember Harsheet as a girl who wouldn't eat from the same plate (as friends do), who wore classy clothes with not a hair out of place, who listened to gazals and all the songs that we found boring. She was girly and I was boyish, she was reserved and I was outgoing.  If she was thinking sandals with skirts, I was thinking converse with skirts. We both were nothing like each other and yet we are like soul mates now. We have shared so much that I can't even remember where it all started. We have been through thick and thins. I have seen her change and she has seen me grow up. Either ways we both helped each other become a better person. 

Kanika on the other hand came to my life much later and yet it didn't take much time for me to get close to her. I met her the first time under a tree where she was sitting. She was new to our class and sat there snootily. She had certain airs about her. As overly bubbly as I was, I spoke with her and got a to the point reply from her. She didn't like me much earlier ( no one does...i grow on people like a song which you don't like but if you listen to if enough you will start liking it...ya you got the point). But soon, we found out that we had quite a lot in common. We both had almost the same taste in clothes, we liked the same music but that wasn't all. This girl was tough as a rock from outside but sugar and honey from inside, I will not be exaggerating if I say that people are seriously scared of her exterior (not physical appearance but her attitude). All three of us soon became friends and have been so far (knock on the wood). If I call them up now, they always have time for me. I can go on and on about my problems and they will always listen to me. We can start our conversation from we left it last, probably months ago and yet not feel distant or uncomfortable with each other. We can talk about random stuff and would bot judge each other if we don't know what pole vault is or what is 1/3rd of 15 (ya not the brightest stars in the sky) I don't know what binds us together, but we stick like glue to each other. 

 

 Now, I am far. I can't talk to them like I once use to. I can't just pop in at their places just for a cup of cold coffee. We meet once a year and those days just seems like the best days of my life. We all have changed each other in so many ways, we all have seen each others dark sides, we have seen each other cry and been there for each other. We have taught Harsheet to eat from a friends place, to sit anywhere on the floor without a newspaper, we have taught her how to head bang on rock music, I have learnt to be more sober from both of them, I have learnt that its ANYWAY and not ANYWAYS from Kanika. I have learnt how to pronounce red like a human being and Harsheet has learnt the correct pronunciation of trousers. I don't think Kanika out of the three of us has changed much she is still HOT as ever (she would say that). We have come a long way, I guess thats what true friends there for, to correct you when you are wrong, to trouble you when you don't want to be trouble and yet you will not be troubled, they will take you to watch the movie Black when you are sad, which will make you even more depressed and then spend the whole day cheering you up, they will give you a red rose on valentines day when you don't have a date, they will sleep in your room without air conditioning even if they believe they can't live without it, or punch you in your face if you try to wake them up too early, they understand where you come from and love you anyway, no matter how you pronounce any word or if you wear shoes with skirts.

Who should pay...me or you?

I was just looking back at the times when my husband and I had just started dating. The question that always bothered me then was; who should pay the bill, when we go out for dinners or lunches. Now, I am not the kind of girl who likes someone else to pay for my meals and he is not the kind of guy who likes the girl to pay the bill when he is around. Every time there would be a tug of war for the bill.
This went on for quite sometime. I had sleepless nights wondering what is the best way to deal with the situation because he would always end up paying for me and I didn't feel comfortable with this situation at all. Now, I know that a lot of you have been in that situation where you don't want to hurt your prospective life partner and you still don't want to make someone else spend on you. What do you do?
We talked about it and decided, we would dutch. The answer was simple but yet so complicated. How much can I dutch if we go to an expensive restaurant those days I used to be on a tight budget. Sometimes, I had to force him to just go to a dhaba (which was a lot of fun) so that I didn't have to spend that much or pack lunch with me and go for picnics. Now, the thing is money is one thing that we don't always talk about with our dates. So, it is also embarrassing to admit that whatever money I am contributing right now is the last bit...I might have to take a bank loan next time we go on a date. But soon, I realised that these things needed to be spoken of  too. If the other person is nice and genuinely interested in you he/she will understand that you feel embarrassed being paid for all the time and you can plan on going to a place that both of you can afford. It does not have to be an expensive place or the best night club, it could be a picnic in a park, walk on india gate, visit to the ancient forts or museum and art galleries. Trust me these things sometimes are more fun than going to an fancy restaurant where  you have to whisper to talk and behave in a particular manner or push your way through the crowd in a club.
Some of my favourite memories are the ones that didn't cost us much, like playing frisbee at India gate, sitting on a water tank watching the planes go buy, going for walks and sitting right next to the road and just talking.
Obviously, after a few months none of us cared for who is going to pay, we both paid, or sometimes he did and sometimes I did. It all became mutual but initially it was a hard and if there is one thing I have learnt is that you can never go wrong paying for your own bills.  I am sure even the guy will appreciate it considering he also might have a limited budget. Go dutch...take the safer road.

Some things I have learnt so far.

• Life is hard and will throw rocks at you, you can either get hurt and cry over it or you can face them, dodge them and build a fort with those rocks.
• Every cloud does have a silver lining. There is always hope which one must hold onto no matter how big the storm is...it will make you work towards a brighter future and sadness is always followed by happiness.
• Things will never go your way, but every things does happen for a reason.
• I am truly happy when I have made someone else happy.
• Its hard to smile in tough times but if you do it will make someones else smile.
• Selflessness is the best form of selfishness. Every time we do a selfless act its only because deep down we all know it will make you happy.
• True friends will accept you, irrespective of colour, creed, money and all your imperfections.
• One true friend means more than a group of stranger.
• Everyone behaves the way they do because of what life has taught them. Everyone's life experiences are different so do not judge them. We can learn something positive from everyone.
• Family will love you no matter how big a crime you have committed. 
• Death is inevitable so we should stop wasting time on worrying about it, rather we should live everyday as its last.
• There is nothing that time won't heal, it might leave some scares but it wouldn't hurt as much as it did once.
• Forgiving is letting go of the wrong and setting yourself free.
• Grudges can never make anyone happy. 
• Eyes of a child are filled with innocence and those of an old man with wisdom. We can learn from both.
• Animals are capable of showing just as much emotions as humans, they can be more loyal than a human friend.
• Sometimes you have to let go of logic to enjoy life.
• One person can make a lot of difference in the world, even if it means making one person happy at a time.
• Money is overrated. Too much of it is worst than having too less. You stop valuing the important things in life and get to consumed with greed and lust for more. Money also can't buy happiness.
• Wars are unnecessary waste of time, life and money. All the money and power wasted on war and nuclear weapons if invested on a better project like food for the starved and education for deprived would make world a better place.
• Tell your loved ones you love them and love everyone like your own blood. 
• Don't just stand there and watch, do something about it.
• A walk in the park is more fun than a walk in a mall.
• Value what or you have...nothing last forever and you will miss it when you don't have it.
• There is nothing right or wrong, no good or bad, no wise or unwise, no truth or lies. 
• If your heart stops beating you die, if your heart stops loving  then you are as good as dead.
• Imperfections are everyones perfections its how we perceive things that make things perfect or imperfect.
• Honesty is not always the best policy sometimes being dishonest for the sake of helping others is much higher act than being honest and making someone unhappy.
• If one choses to look they will find happiness in the most unimaginable things.
• We can only truly love anyone else if we learn to love ourselves.

These are just a few things that came to my mind, I am sure there are more things that I have learnt and even more things that I will learn. With every new learning I will update this blog.

Please share your learnings as I would like you learn from everyone.

My little girl who is not so little anymore.

I remember her as a toddler running around in piggy tails, I remember her as nerd  in her pink pyjamas studying all night, I remember her as a little girl singing sitting on the dressing table eating and drumming at the same time, I remember her poking scissors in the plug points and crying later for she got a an electric shock, I remember her swirling in her frocks and singing the whole day in her shirley voice .

There are numerous memories I have of her, and endless things we have shared. Like once, when Mama and Papa had gone to some dinner party, we took Mama's vanity box and put her make up on (the result was more scary than beautiful, as you can imagine) We ran around the house pretending to be He-Man and superman with our capes made from towels. The endless cat fights we had over stupid things like who gets more Maggie Noodles. The competitiveness over who learns how to ride a bicycle first. The weapons or strategic plans we made just in case thieves entered our house (which included a horrible mocktail made with chilli powder and all the horrible spices, slingshot made with dust filled in paper...just in case). I remember, her and I always fighting over who is going to spend more time with Mama and Papa. We both are not the kinds who would express much to each other but we will stand by each other like rocks. We are always saying the meanest of things to each other but will not stand anyone else saying those same things. Dad for one is a victim of our ways and always complains about how we both are the best lawyers for each other. These are the small things that might not matter to anyone, but for both of us these things define us. We have a love hate relationship and as much as I hate to say she is my best friend (ewww...I can't believe I just wrote that...now its official, in writing)

Now, she is a 23 year old lady, who is independent enough to travel in mumbai trains, who is working, who even has a boyfriend.The things is, I have always been very protective about my little girl. For me she is like my daughter, so, when she told me that she is seeing someone, my first reaction was disapproval. Even though, I was once in her shoes, I guess when it comes to our loved ones, a black godmother takes over us, who only makes you worry for the worst. I know she is a smart and intelligent girl, who is wise enough to know the right from from wrong, I still can't help but worry. I haven't met the guy, so, I am not very approving of him yet. For me, she is that little girl, who would often ask me for my advise on which dress to buy. Now, she is all grown up and found a boyfriend for herself... on her own. Honestly, I am not sure if I would be nice to her boyfriend, considering he is dating my little sister, and chances are if she gets hurt it would be most probably him which I cannot stand. I know, I know that I should understand and give them a chance considering I didn't listen to anyone when I was in her shoes, but I have seen her get hurt once and if that happens again I don't know if I would be able to handle it. These days I literally think of ways to torture her new boyfriend just in case he hurts my little sister (an empty mind is a devils workshop) I even have a few ideas, chinese torture, or how about hanging him upside down over a bucket of crab and lobsters, or even better rubbing chilly in he eyes and burying him alive (Mohaahaaha...that was my evil laugh) these are just few of the ideas but I have more, I won't bore all of you with it anymore. So, Dimpi if you are reading this please tell your boyfriend, to be AFRAID, TO BE VERY AFRAID and sleep with one eye open. :)

Anyone else reading this, please free to give me more suggestion on torturing. And NO I don't want to listen to how he could be a nice guy, give him a chance, or Ankita mind you own business etc etc etc. :)
I love you Mottu.

A poem I once wrote for my father.

As I wrapped my small hands around his finger
and stopped after a one step just to linger,
over too many questions or two
He would just patiently answer them few

As i jumped from rock on to sand
he was there with his protective hands.
He watched me grow with love in his eyes
smiled with me in every smile.

As I grew a little older
He was there as my strongest shoulder.
Every drop of tear that cried
he would release the saddest sigh.

The sleepless nights when I had high fever
he worked every bit  to stop me from shiver.
Every dream of mine he fulfilled
even if in return his were killed.

walked me through every walk of life
held me close when the dangers were high
everytime that i spent alone
only care love he had shown.

life always seemed so unfair
but he was always there just to share.
silently crying on my bed as i lay
those feeling and words that he would never say.

now I am married and far away I went
his blessings and love he always sent.
when things just seems to be harder
I will be there were the words of my father.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

When someone wrote this book, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus he wasn't kidding, he knew exactly what he was saying.
Women and men are from two different planets. Women want one thing and men want exactly the opposite. Women want relationship, commitment, love and marriage. Men on the other hand...well we all know what they want, they want no commitments, no marriage and definitely not any relationships involving love for too long.
This I learn everyday. Every morning my husband and I wake up and the battle starts. He says one thing...I do another, I say something and he doesn't agree. I want parathas for breakfast, he was thinking eggs. I want to watch romantic comedy and he want to watch action thriller. I am messy and he is way too organised. I am never late for any appointments whereas, he can never be on time. I spend money like water leaking from a tap, he is overly cautious. I am patient and he is not. I am a non stop chatter box and he is the strong and silent types. We argue over the remote, computer, which side who is going to sleep in, what to wear...what not wear, which toothpaste we should buy, which cooking oil is better, if Ron Paul is better or Obama. But the thing is no matter how annoying it is to keep arguing over such petty issues, these are the things that keep us going, it is actually our thing. We both like different things and yet we seem to just fit together. We both can't stand each other one minute but can't stay away for a second either. If you ask me, 'what I have common with my husband' I guess, I would say nothing but love. Love actually breaks all the barriers and binds two individuals together in such a way, that such differences don't mean a thing. Yes, men and women are very different from each other, but I guess we cannot stay without each other. Before I got married, I always doubted whether or not he will get married to me or not. If I would make a good wife, if we would be happy together or not, as time passed by, we learnt to live with each other, in fact the things that I hate the most about him are the things that I admire the most about him too. Ironic isn't it. I am guessing I am not the only one who feels like that. I love my husband, I couldn't have been happier (touchwood). In-spite of all the differences, we love each other, we find our ways around...we compromise happily, so, instead of romantic comedy or action thriller, we settle for horror movies, we take turns on either sides of the bed, I make parathas for myself and eggs for him, if I mess up the house he helps me clean it. I once heard somebody say, " Marriage is an ugly compromise" I completely disagree. Marriage is a beautiful compramise and no matter how much all the men disagree, in their hearts they know the truth even they can't do without us, just like we can't without them.

Bollywood Movies.

I just saw a Bollywood movie Full house. It is pretty funny. I saw a Bollywood movie after aeons and I have to say that the face of Bollywood has changed drastically.

Earlier the Bollywood movies had almost the same story line. Which went something like this:
There is a boy, who is poor. He has to take care of his, family...his family included a Mother who is blind, a father who is handicapped or suffering from tuberculosis and of course a sister who is in urgent need to get married. The burden of taking care of the whole family is on his shoulders. Educated as he is he can't find a job and thus has to do a labourers job of laying bricks. One day while doing so he falls in love with a rich girl, she loves him back. They both sing in gardens holding hands, dance at exotic places which with his meagre salary he can't afford but still manages. The boy meets the girls parents. Parents insult him, lock the girl in her room, she runs away using bedsheets and towels as a rope. Father gets angry, he hatches an evil plan to kill the boy. He sends his best HitMen to kill the boy, the boy is so strong he kills them all. In the meantime the boy has also abandoned his family to start a new life, ofcourse now that he has met the love of his life who cares about his sister's wedding, mothers eyesight or fathers illness. He hears the news that his sister has been kidnapped and abused, ashamed, she killed herself as that was only option left for her because police does not give a damn. Hurt and angry, he decides to take revenge. He is one mans army. He enters the palatial house of her girl friend's father which has more security that the Langley. He beats all the bad guys up with his bare hands and the father is left defeated, with no Goons, he surrenders. The boy is about to kill the girls father when the girl walks in and beg for her fathers life. He loves her so much that he spares it. Seeing the boys immense love or his daughter his heart melts and he gives all his property to the boy. Now everyone is happy. The End.

That was the basic concept of Bollywood movies not so long back with slight variations, maybe. The girls always wore saris except when dancing in the parks. These saris have been replaced by bikinis and shortest of all the shorts. The boys are no longer poor in fact on the contrary they are so rich they don't even have to work. Nobody knows what the boy is doing anymore. The fighting scenes have been replaced by comedy acts that have been carefully selected from a lot Hollywood movies that we don't hear of in india. Only the one thing that has persistently remained are the Songs for every occasion. We have songs for everything, like when we are happy, when we are sad, when someone is born, when someone dies, when they meet, when they are apart...even when a song is not exactly required. Not only that we even have Dances for every occasion which are completely synchronised, even the public knows all the steps and dance moves. Hats off to our Bollywood movies. SIGH!!! What would we do without the usual jhatka and Matkas, or without our action heros and sultry heroins.

There is always someone watching.

Yesterday, was a beautiful sunny day and after a lot of rain and chilly days, it was a nice change. I caught up with my friends  from work. Had a nice lunch and coffee in sun. Talked endlessly on random subjects...nothing important just irrelevant stuff which all of us found very relevant at that time. It is always nice to catch up with your girlfriends and do what girls do (ya keep guessing, you boys... what do we girls do when we are together).
After six or seven hours, I left them at work and was on my way to catch my train. I had to wait for half an hour before my train finally arrived. Honestly, I don't see any difference between Connex trains and metro trains they are just the same and are still always late or more.
Anyway, relieved the train has arrived I found a seat next to the window like I always do, started my usual business of staring at nothing. Just then this beautiful blond girl came and sat right in front of me. Everything, about this girl seemed perfect. Her hair were done beautifully, not one hair here or there. Her make up was flawless. Her nails perfectly manicured and trimmed. Her clothes, so perfectly ironed that one would believe that she didn't even sit anywhere the whole day...not one crinkle. She was carrying a folder which seemed perfectly organised, with all the labels and posted. She held a water bottle that read I am not plastic. Which gave me an impression that she cared about the environment. She made a few calls while on train and used her organiser to make sure that she is able to fit in every appointment carefully. We had crossed a few stations and she took out a bag of low fat grain wave chips. She munched on them and kept wiping her hands with a tissue. I was really starting to get impressed by her, until, she made one tiny mistake. As she got up to leave the train, she left the empty bag of chips on her seat. I kept waiting for her to comeback and take it along, to throw it in the bin (after all the government has installed bins for a reason) but she didn't. No matter how hard she tried to keep herself clean,  her life organised or buy non plastic bottles, she left the world in a mess. I realised that she didn't actually care about the environment and least about others who will have to go through the trouble of throwing the plastic for her. When I got up, all I could do was shrug my shoulders and pick her empty plastic bag to throw it away. A lady next to me saw that and smiling said, "sweetheart thank you". Not knowing what she thanked me for I looked at her blankly, she just pointed at the bag of chips. I then realised that there is always someone watching us.

You can't fire me I quit!

So, you know how they show in the movies, that an employee and his employer have a fight and the employer screams out loud, "YOU ARE FIRED" and the employee screams back, "YOU CAN"T FIRE ME, I QUIT"
That had been my dream situation to be in...I would storm out of the office or something and have a control over my life (dream big Ankita...dream big) and no one decides anything for me but if you look at it closely, what else can I say. If you have any self respect like I do that is the best comeback, I mean what other options do we have.
Remember how I told you about the secret meeting against our bald boss...and how I tried to give him my piece of my mind. WHAT WAS I THINKING....This is what I was thinking when I went to speak with him.

Me: Maurizio, you are not a very good manager.
Maurizio: Why would you say that, what have I done? :(
Me: You are not a patient listener, you boss too much, you don't work, you pick on us too much, and I haven't gotten a raise or promotion in 2 years and 6 months.
Maurizio: Oh Ankita, I am so sorry that I caused all of you so much pain, I didn't know I was being bossy and picky, how much raise would you like? Would you like me to promote you.

 Where as, this whole conversation went something like this.

Me: Maurizio, you don't listen to us, you didn't promote me, I haven't gotten a raise in 2 years and 6 months.
Maurizio: (typing on his computer) SO?
Me: So, what are you gonna do about it? You are a bad manager.
Maurizio: You are not good enough either and you don't deserve a raise either or promotion.
(ooouch that hurt)
Me: ( frustrated and angry) You are mean and bossy, lazy and don't help us one bit when it gets busy.
Maurizio: YOU ARE FIRED.
Me: YOU DON'T FIRE ME I...
The door slams on my face before I could finish my sentence.

Wow! It was just not what I expected...things sure looked better in my head. So, instead of me leaving by the end of this month, I have already been fired...correction...I QUIT!

Story of Papa bird.

Once upon a time on a tree far, far away there lived a Papa bird, a Mama bird and their two naughty Baby birds. They were the happiest bird family in the whole bird kingdom. The Papa bird would fly to work everyday and Mama bird took care of the two baby birds. The baby birds would go to their flying schools to become the best in flying the highest. Papa bird and Mama bird made sure that the two baby birds would get the best of the world. Papa bird often had to go away to far off lands to make sure that the baby birds and Mama bird have everything they need. Papa bird and Mama bird loved each other very much, so, when Papa bird would fly off to another land Mama bird would miss him immensely but never let the baby birds see her cry. The baby birds too, often cried when they missed Papa bird but he would always come back and things would be perfect again.

One day when Papa bird was away, in a land filled with dangers, a land which was filled with snow and avalanches he heard the news that Mama bird was very ill. With great difficulties, fighting the wind, the storm, the rain he reached to take care of Mama bird. He took her to the doctor where he found out that Mama bird had cancer but he never told anyone. He kept quite, smiled and helped Mama bird fight the pain. He stood by her side holding her hand, hiding his emotions. He had to juggle between work, baby birds and Mama bird but he never complained. Not even once. He was hurting inside but he always smiled. He never let the baby birds get affected by any of this. He made sure he attended all their birthdays, went to all the parents teachers meet, sometimes cooked and tutor them with flying lesson. All while going for his work and spending most of his time with the Mama bird, but who was taking care of him? No one. What was he going through then...he had no one to talk to, if he fell sick he silently took a medicine, if the  baby birds fell sick he would fly them to a doctor and take care of them, waking up after very hour to check if the baby bird were still suffering. He was sleep deprived, he was tired but everyday he would make sure that his offsprings were rested and comfortable. He wasn't eating properly, but made sure that his children had their meals on time. He hid his emotions so well, that the baby birds never knew what was happening.

Soon, Papa bird had to take Mama bird to a big city, to admit Mama bird in the hospital. Grandparents of the baby birds left their belongings, their homes to take care of the baby birds. Months and months passed by, there was no improvement in Mama bird's health. He did everything he could to save Mama bird, every drop of his blood, every cell of his body had just one purpose and one purpose only, to save the woman he loved so much, if he could, he would have given his own life to save her. Mama bird was weak and fragile, even in so much pain and chemotherapy, she smiled. Baby birds knew their was something wrong still never dared to ask, scared to hear the truth.

One day, while the baby bird and their grandparents were sleeping, they got a call, that the Mama bird has passed away. Not knowing what to say, grandparents did not tell the baby birds what happened but they all took off to the big city. The two baby birds wore their best dresses, and argued over who would spend more time with the Mama bird, but to their surprise, Mama bird was no more. For the first time they saw how much pain Papa bird was in, how even though he tried he could not hide his emotions. Even now, Papa bird tried to wipe the baby bird's tears, trying to control his because he knew that if he broke down then who would take care of his baby birds. Papa bird was asked to marry again and again but he always refused. He loved Mama bird too much to be with someone else.

As time passed Papa bird and baby birds learnt to live with this pain. . They had once decided that they will often mention Mama bird in their conversation, but the pain was so excruciating that they kept quite. No one wept in front of each other, but all silently cried when alone.

The baby birds were now teenagers, they had already started to spread their wings and hop out of the nest. Papa bird did not know how to handle this new phase the baby birds were now in. He tried and tried, he now had to be a father and mother to the baby birds. Eventually, he realised that to be able to handle his teenage baby birds he had to fly with them. He took of with them, they would go on various trips, one day they would fly to Goa the other day to jaipur. Papa bird started talking to the baby birds like their friends, the baby birds started opening up to him, they would do all funny things to make each other laugh. Some other birds thought that these birds were silly but Papa bird and baby birds knew that in silliness there was laughter. Baby bird now trusted him and would tell him everything, sometimes Papa bird would get worried and sometimes he would just listen. With time the dark cloud of unhappiness flew away and sunshine poured in. Time does heal any wound but cannot take away the memories and the scars left behind.

The baby birds have now flown away from the nest and Papa bird smilingly waits for the baby birds to come back again but never tells them how much he misses them. The baby birds miss him equally much everyday, and think about him in every thought, they wait to go back to him and cuddle up to him.
Papa bird has sacrificed his happiness for his babies, he smiled and showed courage when others would have broken down long time back. He gave his babies everything they needed, a mothers love, a fathers affection, a friends patience, a brothers protection...he never asks for anything in return. Papa Bird now prays silently for their happiness.

That Papa bird is my Father.

Thank you for everything Papa. We both love you. We are what we are because of you.

Our superficial world.

How real are we?
There are two kinds of human beings that I cannot stand; Superficial and fake human beings. I have categorised them in two different kinds; the people who are superficial inside out, creating an image of themselves that is not theirs, their whole existence revolves around living upto an idea that they think they are or should be, such as creating a fake image, using fake products, fake everything and thing about these people is they are so out of sync with their own true selves that they do not realise everyone knows how evident it is...they don't make an effort to be less or more fake, and I feel they are just in-denial. And then there are the second kinds, they seem morally genuine. These are the people who will effortlessly fool you into believing that they have your best interest in mind thereby gaining your complete trust and leaving you open for manipulation in the future. They will go around, pretending to be the nicest people on your face and then behind your back they will stab you ruthlessly, they will use your secrets to undress you in public, they will plan meticulously to make you look like an idiot. Yet, you will never know how clever these people are or what goes on in their minds, unless you find yourself a victim of these malicious people.

They say ' we perceive the world as we perceive ourselves'  that is we see the world as we are, if you are an honest person you will never think that anyone can cheat you, if you are a cheat you will never trust anyone. I think of myself as one of the honest people (most of the times or probably I could be fooling myself), I say what I feel and I usually say whats in my heart. That is how I see other people as well without realising that we live in a superficial and pretentious world. Nothing is as it seems. I have had numerous opportunities to learn from my share of betrayals  but I haven't, only because I can't tell who is a friend or a foe disguised as a friend, because I am too trusting.

I made a friend recently, initially when I met her I was intimidated by her, she is mature yet blunt, very on the face yet polite. I am just surprised that it took me so many years to actually think of her as a friend partially because I always felt threatened by her but one thing that always made me respect her was her honesty which I realised one day at one of the christmas parties at her house. One guy who happened to be our bosses friend started misbehaving with one of the girls in the presence of our manager. While our manager just smiled and did nothing but enjoyed the show, this girl stood up in front of everyone and told the boss to ask his friend to leave. She argued and argued, she stood up for what was right. A lot of people on the other hand would have just pretended to be minding their own business considering he is the bosses friend, a lot of people no matter how much they hate their jobs or their boss will go to extremes to be on their good side (even unscrupulously). Why do most of us pretend to be someone we are not, why wear this mask of niceness about us, why not just let this superficial skin fall off and let people see our true selves are we so afraid of what we are?. How long can we put up with this facade? one day or the other it will slip off without us realising it and that would be the day when we would be standing naked  and all alone.

My Mind is blank.

You know how you have those moments in life when your mind is absolutely blank. Like the only thing thats going in your head is a stupid song like pretty fly for a white guy and you don't even know the lyrics to that song, thats the state of mind I am in right now.
There are so many things I have to finish right now, like cleaning the house which is really really messy, have to wash utensils that have piled up like a mountain, wash my hair which I haven't done in three days, paint, I have just been turning a blind eye to everything from the past few days. I guess its just one of those days when all you want to do is just sit around and do nothing.
I mean I sat down to paint last night that was a disaster, the composition was bad and the end result was even worse. I felt so frustrated that I cried like a child. The weather is so gloomy and cold, everything is grey and am not getting any inspiration to get out of bed and paint or do anything at all.
You guys know I have left my job and I seriously started to wonder if I made the right decision. All the people are so nice at my work and I have to admit that I miss talking to most of them but that doesn't mean I am gonna go back. I just hope that my painting thing works out. I guess sitting at home has made me a little negative but I will come around. Till then the stupid song pretty fly for a white guy will just have to do. :)

Generation gap.

So, I was passing by a poster of Bonds hammer pants and I realised that I can't wear them. I mean they looked perfectly fine on the young girl who was wearing them but  when I imagined myself wearing them...I looked incredibly stupid. Similarly, when I think about it, I don't care about the latest phones anymore, yes I still use an old Nokia phone which is chipped from various sides, and I have to put it on loud speaker to be able to hear to someone, other than the stares from co- passenger while travelling in trains or trams that i get, it completes the purpose of a phone. Then comes the latest language, I mean I was chatting with a cousin of my husband who is very young and kept using 'Ma' instead of 'my', which made me very uncomfortable, and I wondered if me using the word 'Cool' while chatting may not not be cool enough for him. I am sure that if I were younger this all would have been perfectly normal but right now every time I hear young girls talking about latest shoes, bags and sales bores me. So, is it generation gap?

I was born in a time when colour televisions were just being introduced to homes, when radios were perfectly normal, when people used to still use floppies instead of DVD or USBs, mobiles became common much later before that they were a luxury. My father use to tell me how Radio was a luxury to have then, how they didn't have a television growing up and so on am sure if I speak to my grandparents they will have something that they didn't know of either. 

Now, every child has a mobile, knows only about colour televisions, probably wouldn't even know what a floppy is. Times change so fast that it is hard to keep pace. A time comes when we just stick with our times. What is our time? out times are the best times of our lives, when we enjoy the most. 

My time was when talking to boys was still looked at suspiciously, when late nights were a myth to me, when drinking was out of the question for girls and we wore denim skirts that reached our knees and were still considered short. But when I look back those were good times. 

My sister is growing really fast, from the young 5 year old girl running around in piggy tails she is now a23 year old independent  girl who works late, goes out for late night movies and dinners, wears halters and tubes. All of a sudden I feel concerned about her safety and talk to her about keeping a distance from boys. If this is not generation gap then what is it? My father once said that one has to keep moving with times in order to be not considered obsolete. Surely, he does, he respects culture but believe in not blindly following, he still talks about his times but understand ours, with time he became more of our best friend who listens to us and we can talk about anything with him. And one thing I learnt from him, keep an open mind to be able to move with times and fill the generation gap. Understand where these kids come from   and what there times expects from them. Just because our times were good, doesn't mean theirs can't be better, So what the hell if I would look silly in hammer pants, I can still wear my straight fit jeans and converse shoes and feel comfortable.

What was your time like?