I MISS HOME :(

I cannot begin to describe how much I miss home. How much, I miss just hanging out with my family and friends and talking about irrelevant stuff. It has been so long since I just sat in the comfort of my home and watched television with my sister and fight over remote, it has been too long since I slept hugging Papa's bit tummy. I miss my grandmother waking my up every morning just to ask me what I wanted to eat, even if it is just 6 in the morning or how Grandpa would just watch news the whole the day, trying to surf channels just to find something interesting on T.V. and my dog getting restless because she wants to do her business.
It is so hard sometimes to be so far away from family. I miss India. The peculiar smell of pollution, dust and  curry which I grew up with. The noise of pressure cooker coming every evening, from every house. The aromatic smell of incense when Dadi does pooja, or the loud voices we all Indians talk in. I miss sometimes the absurd freedom of traffic...the honking which never stops even at night. I miss how all the neighbours come and visit you even if you don't want them to, or how sometime Papa would take us to India gate for 2 rupees ice cream all the way from Noida or how my sister and I would fight over dresses or anything at all. I miss seeing Dimpi stare herself for hours in the mirror and never get tired of looking herself in the mirror or how my Grandmother would be walking around the house doing her chores. I miss the calm face of my grandpa on which his whole life is etched and how much time he takes to complete a sentence or how Papa would touch my forehead when I am sick. I miss you all so much.
I wish I was there, it is my home and always will be. I just want to tell you all I love so much, you all made me, me.
How far I have come, too far.

Listen to what people are saying!

Gosh how long has it been since I last visited, I guess work does that to you.
I am quite happy where I am now as it doesn't involve just collecting money from people but also being able to help them. For example setting up payment plans, referring them to hardship and even giving them extension. I listen so so many problems a day, how many things are happening and we don't even realise as long as things are going ok with us.
A couple of days back i spoke a lady who just lost her mother, when she answered i could hear in her voice that she was crying, I asked her if she was and she told me her Mum passed away right in front of her eyes a couple of weeks back and she is missing her. The way she was crying, my heart sank and i had tear in my eyes but that wasn't the worst part, she also threatened to kill herself, I was so scared for her safety that I called my team leader. My team leader sat next to me and heard the call and she called the crisis management, I spoke to the lady for at least 40 minutes trying to listen to her, calm her down- like i said in my previous blog, sometimes people just want to be heard even if it is just a stranger that they are talking to. I wanted to call her back and check if she was ok but I am not authorised to do so, I hope she is alright where ever she is and things get better for her.
So, I realised that it is not as bad a job as I thought it would be, I guess I always enjoyed listening to peoples problems and helping them out, it is not always possible but atleast I am trying.

I am sorry for your loss.

So, now I am working as a collections officer. Since it is call center, everyday now, I hear people's problems. Sometimes, so sad that it would break your heart. Like the other day I spoke to this 87 year old man, who lives in country side, his wife is suffering from cancer and he has no money, so, he has to apply for bankruptcy, and he had no one to help him. The call went on for 25 minutes (usually they are meant to be between 4-5 minutes long). I listened to him, let him vent out, after all what else could I do, I guess sometimes some people just need to be heard, someone they can talk to, to be just heard. After wrapping the call, I requested a break, I went out for a while, thought about the old man and soon forgot about it. Until yesterday, when I got the same call back in my dialler, I realised that he was the same person I spoke with a  while ago( since, I could see my previous notes) Obviously he had no idea that he had spoken with me earlier. So, I continued the call as per usual and asked the customer if there was a reason for delay...customer advised that his wife passed away and he has now applied for bankruptcy. My heart sank when the customer asked a question, " what have I got to live for now, my children are gone, they couldn't come to the funeral because they are abroad, What have I got to live for". I had no answer, I am not even authorised to give my personal opinion, I can only 'empathise with him' and comfort him, so all I could say in a choking voice, "I am sorry for your loss". 

Non Violence.

When I was a little girl, I did not understand the true meaning of non-violence. I use to believe in 'Tit for Tat' policy, I always felt that to get you message across one had to opt for violence (but more like verbal violence). While growing up and watching all the movies, I strongly believed that to conquer evil with good one had to fight back, all the action heros would often indulge themselves in a fist fight.

So, when I learnt about Gandhi ji's philosophy on non-violence, I did not understand. For the longest period of time I believed that what he did was unnecessary and that he probably was not 'Man enough'. As I started growing up, I started to understand what he meant. I realised that no battle big or small can be won through violence, it will only make things worse. I learnt that people only make a fool of themselves when they are not in control of their temper and it takes far much more courage to stay calm. Hats off to the Great Man that he was for encouraging and teaching the world about non-violence. Peace thought out the world is only thing essential for Mankind. I wish another Gandhi ji is born because the world needs a new hope and light.

Commonwealth Games 2010

I am extremely sad today. I am sad because I watching the opening ceremony of Common Wealth Games 2010 Delhi on youtube and all those comments...they saddened me. As if land wasn't enough now even youtube has become a war zone. It is disappointing to know that even though we live in the 21st century we still behave so racially and backwardly.
Commonwealth games are meant to act as a platform to bring nations together, instead, it has given reason for people to fight more. I don't understand, where is the sportsmanship that people talk about, where is that time gone when sports was all just about sports? Since when, has it become a competition about which country is better or worse?
Whatever said and done, India tried really hard to give a warm welcome to everyone participating. Yes, our politicians failed to an extent but think about all the Indians who stood behind the games, the rest of us who prayed and worked towards the betterment of the Games. Agreed, that our country is not perfect but we are trying to make it better. I understand that it might have failed to reach a lot of other countries standards but i know we gave our best shot. I apologise to other nations if we have failed your expectations but I am still proud of what it has done. I hope that in future all the nations will come together, join hands and play like sports are meant to be played.

Patriotism

"Where the mind is without fear 

and the head is held high; 

                                                Where knowledge is free; 

Where the world has not been 

broken up into fragments by 

narrow domestic walls; 

Where words come out from 

the depth of truth; 

Where tireless striving stretches 

its arms towards perfection; 

Where the clear stream of reason 

has not lost its way into the dreary 

desert sand of dead habit; 

Where the mind is lead forward by thee 

into ever-widening thought and action- 

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, 

let my country awake." 

By Rabindranath Tagore.

Lets walk back on that lane again when all Indians felt a sense of pride, where the ability to do better than yesterday was our goal, when every individual knew his responsibility toward our mother nation and when we all held our head high.


We have seen hardships more than any country but we defeated every hurdle, moved every obstacle and found our freedom, through; hard work, sacrifice and love toward not only our nation but also towards our fellow human beings. Let us not forget how far we have come, let us do our bit to take it even further. 


Realise that it is not just a politician's job to run the nation but ours, he is just our voice. So, if our thoughts are selfish in thinking and worrying only about ourselves, then that is how far his thoughts would go too. Contribute in the development of our nation by giving your best in what ever you do. Acknowledge the fact that behind every nation that stands strong its people stand stronger. Remember that we fought many wars, we managed to win our nation back and still live free, it was not because of just one leader but many simpletons like you and I who knew what had to be done. Understand that none of us are perfect but if we try we can come closer with every step. 


Our contribution can be small but it makes a huge difference if we try. Things like not littering here and there, recycling as much as possible, treating each other with respect no matter what caste, creed, religion, sex, etc one belongs to. Try to encourage people to buy Indian products, you will be amazed how well our economy will do. Stop vandalism, our country is our home, it is NOT 'cool' to be have a  'I DON'T CARE ATTITUDE'. Stand up for what is right, our generation has the opportunity to rationalise and it is a time for another revolution, a time to wake up again and free ourselves of selfishness, ego, hatred, overlook our petty differences, its time to take things in our own hands. If someone is not doing their job do yours and help them with theirs. Do what ever you are best at, if you paint, paint for India, if you write, write good things about India, if you sing, sing its prayers for it has given us more than we have given it.


Do not criticise your nation for it did not meet your expectation, it failed because we failed. It will rise when we help it rise. Lets all become one again because, "United we stand, divided we fall".

My Conversation with a Ghost.

All incidents and characters in this blog are fictitious, and resemblance to any incident or character is solely unintentional.

Last night when I was sleeping, I saw a ghost, like the one you see in movies such as The Grudge. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, black or white tall or really short but obviously it wasn't very pretty. It wasn't doing anything particularly, just standing next to my bed and staring at me., which was very creepy.  Not knowing if it was real or a figment of my imagination, I just closed my eyes and went to sleep. The moment I closed my eyes, I felt a cold hand grab my nape. Completely aware that it could have only been that ghost I turned around and asked him, "What the hell are you doing...are you going to eat me", to which the ghost replied, "Yes". Accepting my fate as it came, I waited for it to kill me and eat me but the ghost just stared at me. I asked it what happened and it told me that it actually was a vegetarian and was new to this ghost business. So, I asked it about the plan of action and it said, that it just thought of scaring me a bit because that is what it had seen in the movies when  it was actually alive.
Not aware of the protocol here I woke up and got out of bed (I didn't want to disturb my husband), so I told it to quietly  follow me in the kitchen and it did, since, it had told me it had a preference  for vegetarian food, I fixed it a glass of milk and gave him some cake. It ate very fast and I was actually surprised that the food didn't fall of from its body considering it seemed like a foggy image in the air. So the following conversation took place:
Me: "So how long have you been a ghost?"
Ghost: "Umm...i guess two or three days".
Me: "You went to hell? Did you meet Satan...is he as bad as they show"
Ghost: "Why would you ask me if I went to hell and not heaven?"
Me: "well...you know...because you don't look so good."
Ghost: "Its the way I died so, I remained like this I guess."
Me: "you guess? what do you mean you guess, you didn't meet God or the Devil? you didn't see the tunnel of light?"
Ghost: "no, I just woke up and realised that I was dead".
Me: "How did your body die?"
Ghost: "oh! a car crash...drink driving".
Me: "hmm...no wonder you look like this...hey! can I ask you, please don't be offended...are you a girl ghost or a boy ghost?"
Ghost: "can't you tell? I am a boy ghost."
Me: "Oh ok. Do you think you can have a bath and look a bit better?"
Ghost: "I tried but it didn't work".
Me: "So, what are you going to do now, now that I am not scared and all".
Ghost: "I don't know".
Silence...
Me: "hey listen, I am bit sleepy, so, I guess I am gonna go back to sleep, you can stay ok, just chill out, watch some t.v help yourself to anything you want to eat ok, if you want you can use the couch to sleep on ok, just as long as the you promise not to get any blood on the couch, it fairly new".
Ghost: "Gee thanks! what movies do you have, don't worry about blood it doesn't come off".
Me: "what kind of movies do you want to watch? I have some romantic comedy,  action movies, war, thriller, mysteries and some horror".
Ghost: "Do you have that movie called the Paranormal activity? I didn't get to watch it when I was alive.
Me: "ya...sure, maybe you can pick up some tips from there, how to scare people, I mean that movie scared the hell out of me".
Ghost: "how can a movie scare you and not I, a real life ghost...what the hell, I suck at being a ghost".
Me: "no you scared me, really. Anyway, see you later am going to sleep now. Keep it down ok...thanks"
Ghost: "thanks".
So, I went back to sleep again, when my husband woke up the next day the television was still on, he asked me if I left it on and I told him it was a ghost. He didn't believe me but because he already thinks I am a bit weird he left it at that.

Religion.

Now lets talk about something else today, so, I was sitting and watching this Youtube video of a man who tore a page out of Bible and Quran each, to see which burns faster as a joint or cigarette (I couldn't tell). I agree that it was just a book but I did not see a point for going to such an extreme to prove his point. I am not very religious or God fearing either but I do respect other people's emotions and just because I don't believe in something, doesn't mean that others don't care either. It is like what my Mother-In-Law once said, "religion is like a photograph of a loved one, just a piece of paper and yet if somebody stamps on it with their foot, one does get offended" and I agree, as I watched that video, I felt a bit offended myself, not because he burnt pages out of holy books but because he did not care enough to respect other people. Anyway, he chose to do what he did, maybe, he was desperate to prove his point that religion is above materialism.

Speaking of which, I don't understand one thing about religion, we fight, we argue, we kill, we die on the name of religion, when all religions say or preach just one thing 'love all living beings'. I would like to see which Quran, Gita, Bible or any other religious books claims that they are better than the rest or that we should follow one and not the other. If that is what one claims then, I can only say that either they have been tampered by us humans for our own selfish purpose or they are not worth following. God is a faith to hold onto an inner will to keep you going when you have no hope left. Giving names to him, dividing him through colour, caste, creed hardly seems fair. Are we so naive to see that we humans created religion, I refuse to believe that Christ or Krishna came to earth and said, "oh you human beings, I declare that from now onward, there will be a religion called Christianity or hinduism and we would like you to follow us". I mean seriously, are we ready to compromise logic over blind faith? Try to pick good values, learn to differentiate between right and wrong, understand that we all are living creature, evolved through the same substance, this earth is as much yours as mine, stop wasting time with which is better or worse, one can never be happy unless we truly love each other.

Sick of being sick (shitty post sorry)

Another day and flu again. I just hate it, it is like it puts a halt to my life, not that I had been busy doing anything constructive anyway, but at least there was hope, now, for the next few days there is no hope, I can't go scuba diving, not that I had any plans in the near future, I can't go bungee jumping, not that I would have attempted to,  I can't go running not that the lazy me would have, so basically, you get the picture right. There is no hope.

I feel like eating something but my body is feeling too tired to get out of bed, I have a runny nose, watery eyes, sore throat, body aches, I can't sleep etc.etc. and all I want is soup and some loving but unfortunately there is no soup or any one to love me at home. So, I will just lie on my bed and sulk to myself. Maybe, I will even sum up the courage to walk to the kitchen and make myself some Maggie.

Sorry about this blog, just needed to vent out a bit, you know what they say, 'cribbing about your unhappiness to others is an instant recipe to make yourself feel better. (ok nobody says that,  I am saying it, you can quote me on that) its working on you, I know it is, you are now thinking, "wow I am so glad I feeling well and thank god I don't write such icky blogs"

Life as an Army Officer's daughter.

Today, I saw a video of soldiers returning and meeting their families after really long. I could relate to that. My father was in the army, and most of the times he would be posted to field stations. There were times when we would see him for only a month in a whole year, sometimes, even less, depending on how much leave he would be left with. Even in peace stations, he would have to pack his bags and leave, so, we the family would be left behind.

Back in those days owning a telephone was expensive, and the only way we could contact him were letters. Mobiles were not even introduced then, and since we didn't have a phone we would go to our neighbours house (if they had a phone) or at the guard's room. I remember, Papa would call up and leave  a message with the guard, that he would call back again, and so, five in the morning, we would wait in the guard's room, still groggy from sleep, staring blankly at the phone, at every ring we would jump expecting it to be him...when the call would finally arrive, we could barely hear him and thus, would shout in the mouthpiece as if that would make it more audible. Then, we started recording tapes and exchanging them with each other, every time his would arrive we would sit in front of the music system and listen to it over and over again, even have our dinner while listening to his tapes, especially the part where our names were mentioned. When, we recorded, we would record and re-record to make it the most interesting tape for him.

The day he was expected to come back, Mama would dress us up in our finest clothes and would do the same for herself. My sister and I would wait impatiently, sometimes, even waiting in the guard's rooms to spend as much time with him as possible, and when we would see his auto (tuk-tuk) arrive we would jump with joy and hop in. While, we would hog on all the time, Mama would wait patiently for hers. Sometimes, we would miss him so much that we cried, and Mama would bravely hold her tears and console us, but who was consoling her?

Most of my civilian friends found it cool that I belonged to an army background, and all they ever saw were the fancy dinners, parties, guns that my father must be holding, how many people he must have killed and all that, sure, we had a lot of fun being the army kids, luxuries and places that we got to see, but they never saw the pain, they never understood how hard it was to move from one place to another and make new friends every year. How our mothers suffered every time their husbands left, or how worried we all are when they are posted in field stations. If Army taught all the army families one thing, then it is how you cannot take life or your loved ones for granted.

So, when I saw this video, I understood.

Reflections.

Lately, I have been very negative or that is what Papa told me. I don't mean to be negative, but I guess idle times call for some introspections. Everyday is the same, a reflection of the previous and I like that. My mind is numb. No not in a depressing manner, not in a negative manner either. Its as if it is shut. Do you ever have that feeling, where you are not particularly excited about anything and at the same time nothing upsets you. I know I have sounded negative in my past few blogs, but I guess its good sometimes to be that as well, you find out more about yourself.

Yesterday, just like that, I stared at myself in the mirror for very long, the person staring back at me was me and yet seemed so much older. I don't mind ageing in-fact I am quite happy about it. Happy; because I lived those wonderful years, I am satisfied with my life, except for losing Mama so early, there is nothing else I would change. I have a wonderful father, greatest grandparent, a beautiful sister and a loving yet already senile husband and so, I feel like this is what I am here for. Not to do something very big, not to conquer the world, not to have my name written in the papers, but, to just be with everyone around me. To love them to cherish them. I no longer find happiness in worldly pleasure except for good food, I no longer find the necessity to beautify everything around me because everything around me is beautiful the way it is.

If I back track in my mind, I have no regrets, at least not yet and I am hoping that in the future also, I will feel as content and happy with my life as I do today. So, as long as the sun is shining, birds chirping, rivers flowing, everyone is in good health...all is well, I am well.

Little things that annoy me.

I don't know how many of you have noticed but a lot times these things happen; like when you are talking to someone and the moment you tell them that you are really, really unwell, all of a sudden they start talking about how sick they feel...like hello, I just asked you how you were feeling and you said you feel great, so its my turn, you had your chances...so how come all of a sudden you fell sick, huh?

When you see something beautiful, I don't know about you guys but things like sunsets, trees, flowers good food gets me really excited, and then I would say something like this, "Wow! look at that sunset, isn't that beautiful?" and the person would reply something like, "I have seen better". I didn't ask you if you if you have seen anything better, I am telling you that this right now is beautiful.

Then there are these people who know everything, like am talking about lets say; how corrupt Indian policemen are and they would say something like, "I know what you are saying", ...how can you possibly know what I am saying, you have never been to India, never met any Indian policemen...all you have are  good-looking, serious about their jobs policemen here in Australia.

And then sometimes, when you meet someone, and they ask you, "So, where are you from?" and I would be like, "India" and they would say," Oh really, my Aunts, friend lives in India". Now I don't know what to say to here, I mean, I don't know who your aunt is, i certainly have not met her friend, if you are asking me where I from, I probably don't know who you are, its not like I am going to meet her anyway, so what is the point of all this, I know, I know politeness, ice breaker, blah! blah! blah!

Then of-course, there are those people, who would ask you all the gossips and then pretend they don't care, why ask, if you don't care?

What about our movies huh? they fool us in so many ways, we pay money to watch them and all they are doing is fooling us, like the other day I was watching Blood diamond, and Leonardo dicaprio is shot, he is dying (sorry if I have spoilt the movie for someone who hasn't watched it) but he doesn't die till his dialogues finishes or he has done the right thing, I mean, really? or how the heros would go all the way to save the world, only one guy to save the entire world, hardly seems fair, are the rest of us so dumb? or how women in movies are always the cause for trouble and seem so useless that the we get the heros in trouble and the hero will still love the girl, I mean seriously, sometimes I think if I were that hero I would be like, "I could have just died thanks to you B*&%H!!!!! get away from me".

And the women, the most thin women, size 2 or 4 complain about how fat they have become, I mean if you are fat then we are giants, is that what we should conclude?

Anyway, I am just mean, I guess I over analyse things, but ya I do get a bit annoyed sometimes over these issues, what things annoy you guys?

PS: sometimes I just feel stupid writing these blogs, coz I feel like I am talking to myself no one else care to read them anyway, except for my dad, hi dad :)

Things I have worried about.

When I was little girl there were a lot of things that I worried about, like; my father would lose his job and we would be homeless, that my parents would not love me anymore and then I would be homeless. I worried that one day I will wake up and everyone would be gone, that when we left for a holiday, they would forget about me, or that I would get lost and they will never find me. I worried, that my sister would turn into a ghost while I am sleeping and eat me, that when I grow up no one would want to play with barbies again, that when I swallow an orange seed a tree would grow out of me. I worried that one of my parents will fall sick and never get better, that one day I will see a ghost and I would not know what to do, that no matter how hard I tried I will never be good at maths, that everyone will grow up and I will still remain a little girl.

When I grew up a bit, I worried that I will never be able to catch a ball, that all my friends would become something while I still stayed back in my class trying to pass 10th grade, that my friends judge me for my marks, that my skirt's length would be too short, that my skirts length would be too long, that I will never be able to spell, that all my other friends will know what they are going to become. That all my friend know Michael Jackson's songs and I don't know the lyrics, that my father would find out that I bunked a couple of classes, that one day my grandparents would be too frustrated to live with us and thus resolve to leaving, that I will never be able to learn how to operate a computer. That they will find out that my favourite movie was in fact The Lion King and that I still watched Tom and jerry. I worried that I will become too fat, or I will remain to thin, that no one would find me attractive.

Now a days, I worry; that one day all the immigration will be closed and I will not be able to see my father again, that someday I will be too old to travel and thus will never be able to go back to India again, I worry that my husband will find someone more attractive and will leave me, I worry that someday he will get posted and will leave me, I worry that he will judge me because I don't know what pole vault was, I worry that I will never have any true friends in melbourne, that I would still be alive when the world would be coming to an end, that the world would run out of petrol or water, that we will never be able to figure out what to do about global warming, that I will become one those old grumpy ladies who takes ages to cross the red light while others wait, that I one day I will drive too slow and their would be a big queue of cars behind me, that my teeth would fall out earlier than I anticipated, that I still don't know what I want to do with life, that I will never stop worrying and thus will never be happy.

Our Daily choices.

Today, I went to the supermarket to buy myself a new shampoo, as DOVE like it promised would make my hair lustrous and healthier failed in it duties and instead made my hair fall more than grow. Fed up as I was, I decided, I needed a new shampoo. I don't have a car, so, obviously I had to walk all the way to Safeway, which is about a kilo-meter from my place... in the blistering cold I walked. Fighting the Antarctic winds, I finally made it. Now, I was standing in front of aisle nine or was it ten ( I can't remember) staring at the rows of shampoos, Frutis, Dove, Herbal Essence, Tony and guy, Tress me, Sunsilk, Loreal...Shampoo for frizzy hair, for volume control, for dry and brittle hair, for hair loss, for dull and lifeless hair...hell I have all these things, now I have to choose between, if I want my hair to look shiny or if I want volume, if I want no hair loss or dandruff control...What do I do?

You can imagine my plight here, I stared and stared as if staring would make choosing a shampoo easier but it was far from that, I stood there for exactly twenty minutes before deciding that maybe I should buy some groceries and in the mean time I will decide what I need. So, I bought tomatoes which was easy, the cheapest ones would do, tomatoes are just tomatoes they will taste just the same once cooked, I bought chicken which was simple again, bread, eggs, lettuce etc...etc lets not get into details, after about half an hour later I was in front of aisle 9 or 10 again, staring. BLANK. I sat down, these are tough decisions, maybe I should buy Tony and Guy products but its a little expensive, or I can go for Shea butter that should do my hair good, nahhhh...it smells bad, how about Panteen...nope. I hoped from one shampoo bottle to the another, maybe I should buy Ice cream, I really want some ice cream, I left aisle 9 or 10 and bought ice cream, I think I need chocolates too, hummm....some lindt, mars bars, M&M, Dairy milk...I think I should buy some chips too...there you go I bought some chips too. It was already quite late now, so maybe I should queue up before the line gets any bigger.

I reached home after three hours...need I even say...without any shampoo...maybe I will go tomorrow.

The girl I can't be.

I envy the girls around me who are always so perfect,  the girls who can wear white without spilling anything on it, I also envy them because they always remember birthdays, they have flawless handwriting,  read voraciously, always have something interesting to say, never swear, have the knowledge about everything, look pretty and clean, cook, clean, never talk behind anyones back and are always liked by everyone. How do these girls do it? What makes them so different from me...I wonder.

I on the other hand, I can't remember anyones birthdays, I don't think I have a single white shirt that looks white from every angle, I spill more than I eat, sometimes I stay hungary just because I am too lazy to cook, I swear as if I am using the word 'THE' in a sentence. If I don't like someone I will tell the whole world about it, I read only if someone tells me its a good book otherwise I don't scroll through the whole library to   find the perfect book. I don't work out for more than a month, I don't like salads and would rather order a big Mac meal than starve myself because I love food. I discard all the receipt and regret later, I am very bad with table manners, I never finish any task I undertake. These are just a fragment of flaws I have, the list is very long and it can go on and on but I don't want to bore you guys anymore.

Wait what was the point behind writing all this...oh yes...girls please give me some tips on how you do it. Here are a few questions I have for those perfect girls.
How can you girls have everything you need in the bag? I always end up forgetting exactly what I need.
How do you remember to wish everyone? I know most of you put a reminder but how do you remember to do that?
How come you girls always look so pretty?
How can you wear heals and not take them off after five minutes or in my case two?
How come your hair are always at place and your nails so perfect?
Please! please! please! let out your secret because for once I would like to be that perfect girl.

Cushions.

Last sunday or was it saturday, I don't know my memory is failing me sorry, my husband and I went shopping. It was beautiful morning, sun was shining, birds chirping, wind blowing in my hair. Now, we were just looking around to buy nothing basically but as we walked aisle to aisle, holding hands...smiling, whispering those sweet nothing (who am I kidding...that never happens) my eyes fell on these beautiful cushions. I left my husband's hand and ran towards them (in slow motion...very movie like) it was love at first sight after all. I stared at them, picked one up, hugged it, caressed it gently as if it were a child. My husband followed me scratching his head, picked one up, put it against the back of his head (probably even imagined laying his head on it) and kept it back. Then all the following happened (the unspeakable):

Me: "oh my god! these are so beautiful, they will match perfectly with our couch"

My husband: "hmm..." 

Me: "So can we buy em"

My husband: "Nope"

Me: "but why...you just said that these are beautiful"

My husband: "but they are not comfortable...besides, we already have cushions"

Me: "You mean those ugly cushions I bought five years back from the reject store, which have pillow covers on them?"

My husband: "hey you bought them...and like you got bored of them, you will get bored of these too"

Me: "no...I won't...I love these"

My husband: "LOVE...YOU GIRLS LOVE EVERYTHING....CLOTHES, SHOES, FOOD, TREES....SHOPS...EVERYTHING...IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DON'T LOVE"

Me: "So are we buying the cushions"

My husband: "Nope, cushions are useless, they are never comfortable, frankly I would rather use a pillow than a cushion, you can't sleep on it, you can't sit with a cushion...honestly tell me how many people do you see who actually use cushions while sitting? they always put either on their lap, like you, or beside them..."

Me: "You know everyones house looks so pretty, ours looks like a barack for army personals...although am sure even they are better than our house"

My husband: "other people are stupid and not practical. And you think that by adding these cushions our house would look beautiful..."

Me: " Yes...well not completely, we would also need a few table lamps, a coffee table, a few side tables and some artefacts plus oh a new carpet..."

My husband: "whats wrong with the carpet we already have...personally I don't see why we need a carpet either, it comes in your way while walking, gets dirty if you walk on it and then you have to clean it which we could have avoided by not buying it at the first place"

Me: "So now you have a problem with carpets as well...and we are not buying the cushions are we?"

My husband: "yes I have a problem with carpets and we are definitely NOT buying these cushions"

Me: "you don't love me anymore..."

My husband: "What? which love are we talking about now? your love for shoes kind of love? or love love or love as in what...what is love anyway?...BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!"

So, we did not buy the cushions.

Look into their eyes, what do you see?

Some emotions I captured long back. For some reason they still move me. What inspired me to click these pictures? I don't know. Maybe it was the look in their eyes or the fact that they didn't even have shoes and yet they never complained.

 Maybe the years of hard work etched on the old man's skin.

Maybe the fact that the boy spent 10 years of his life begging and saving, so he could buy a shoe polishing box, so he can earn money through hard-work and quit begging.

 This is the life we don't know about, this is the life we easily ignore, this is the life we don't want to talk about and ignore to easily.

We complain about petty things not realising how much God has given us. We should be thankful for what we have, just like they are, for what they have.

Catching up with old friends.

Its been long since I last saw them, I have to say I miss them a lot but most of all I miss the things we use to do together. I miss sitting under our college tree bunking classes, I miss having the horrible Rajma chawal everyday under the same tree, I miss driving all the way to Trivani art gallery just to pee. I miss sitting in my car with air conditioning at full blast because its so hot outside. I miss all my friends.

But Harsheet and Kanika, they are the best friends that I have known so far. All three of us so different from one another and yet so close. That is the thing about friendship, sometimes you will be friends with the oddest of people, people you can't relate to, people who can't relate to you and yet you will find this common ground that becomes a platform for your friendship. 

Harsheet  is calm, composed and very mature for her age. I remember Harsheet as a girl who wouldn't eat from the same plate (as friends do), who wore classy clothes with not a hair out of place, who listened to gazals and all the songs that we found boring. She was girly and I was boyish, she was reserved and I was outgoing.  If she was thinking sandals with skirts, I was thinking converse with skirts. We both were nothing like each other and yet we are like soul mates now. We have shared so much that I can't even remember where it all started. We have been through thick and thins. I have seen her change and she has seen me grow up. Either ways we both helped each other become a better person. 

Kanika on the other hand came to my life much later and yet it didn't take much time for me to get close to her. I met her the first time under a tree where she was sitting. She was new to our class and sat there snootily. She had certain airs about her. As overly bubbly as I was, I spoke with her and got a to the point reply from her. She didn't like me much earlier ( no one does...i grow on people like a song which you don't like but if you listen to if enough you will start liking it...ya you got the point). But soon, we found out that we had quite a lot in common. We both had almost the same taste in clothes, we liked the same music but that wasn't all. This girl was tough as a rock from outside but sugar and honey from inside, I will not be exaggerating if I say that people are seriously scared of her exterior (not physical appearance but her attitude). All three of us soon became friends and have been so far (knock on the wood). If I call them up now, they always have time for me. I can go on and on about my problems and they will always listen to me. We can start our conversation from we left it last, probably months ago and yet not feel distant or uncomfortable with each other. We can talk about random stuff and would bot judge each other if we don't know what pole vault is or what is 1/3rd of 15 (ya not the brightest stars in the sky) I don't know what binds us together, but we stick like glue to each other. 

 

 Now, I am far. I can't talk to them like I once use to. I can't just pop in at their places just for a cup of cold coffee. We meet once a year and those days just seems like the best days of my life. We all have changed each other in so many ways, we all have seen each others dark sides, we have seen each other cry and been there for each other. We have taught Harsheet to eat from a friends place, to sit anywhere on the floor without a newspaper, we have taught her how to head bang on rock music, I have learnt to be more sober from both of them, I have learnt that its ANYWAY and not ANYWAYS from Kanika. I have learnt how to pronounce red like a human being and Harsheet has learnt the correct pronunciation of trousers. I don't think Kanika out of the three of us has changed much she is still HOT as ever (she would say that). We have come a long way, I guess thats what true friends there for, to correct you when you are wrong, to trouble you when you don't want to be trouble and yet you will not be troubled, they will take you to watch the movie Black when you are sad, which will make you even more depressed and then spend the whole day cheering you up, they will give you a red rose on valentines day when you don't have a date, they will sleep in your room without air conditioning even if they believe they can't live without it, or punch you in your face if you try to wake them up too early, they understand where you come from and love you anyway, no matter how you pronounce any word or if you wear shoes with skirts.

Who should pay...me or you?

I was just looking back at the times when my husband and I had just started dating. The question that always bothered me then was; who should pay the bill, when we go out for dinners or lunches. Now, I am not the kind of girl who likes someone else to pay for my meals and he is not the kind of guy who likes the girl to pay the bill when he is around. Every time there would be a tug of war for the bill.
This went on for quite sometime. I had sleepless nights wondering what is the best way to deal with the situation because he would always end up paying for me and I didn't feel comfortable with this situation at all. Now, I know that a lot of you have been in that situation where you don't want to hurt your prospective life partner and you still don't want to make someone else spend on you. What do you do?
We talked about it and decided, we would dutch. The answer was simple but yet so complicated. How much can I dutch if we go to an expensive restaurant those days I used to be on a tight budget. Sometimes, I had to force him to just go to a dhaba (which was a lot of fun) so that I didn't have to spend that much or pack lunch with me and go for picnics. Now, the thing is money is one thing that we don't always talk about with our dates. So, it is also embarrassing to admit that whatever money I am contributing right now is the last bit...I might have to take a bank loan next time we go on a date. But soon, I realised that these things needed to be spoken of  too. If the other person is nice and genuinely interested in you he/she will understand that you feel embarrassed being paid for all the time and you can plan on going to a place that both of you can afford. It does not have to be an expensive place or the best night club, it could be a picnic in a park, walk on india gate, visit to the ancient forts or museum and art galleries. Trust me these things sometimes are more fun than going to an fancy restaurant where  you have to whisper to talk and behave in a particular manner or push your way through the crowd in a club.
Some of my favourite memories are the ones that didn't cost us much, like playing frisbee at India gate, sitting on a water tank watching the planes go buy, going for walks and sitting right next to the road and just talking.
Obviously, after a few months none of us cared for who is going to pay, we both paid, or sometimes he did and sometimes I did. It all became mutual but initially it was a hard and if there is one thing I have learnt is that you can never go wrong paying for your own bills.  I am sure even the guy will appreciate it considering he also might have a limited budget. Go dutch...take the safer road.

Some things I have learnt so far.

• Life is hard and will throw rocks at you, you can either get hurt and cry over it or you can face them, dodge them and build a fort with those rocks.
• Every cloud does have a silver lining. There is always hope which one must hold onto no matter how big the storm is...it will make you work towards a brighter future and sadness is always followed by happiness.
• Things will never go your way, but every things does happen for a reason.
• I am truly happy when I have made someone else happy.
• Its hard to smile in tough times but if you do it will make someones else smile.
• Selflessness is the best form of selfishness. Every time we do a selfless act its only because deep down we all know it will make you happy.
• True friends will accept you, irrespective of colour, creed, money and all your imperfections.
• One true friend means more than a group of stranger.
• Everyone behaves the way they do because of what life has taught them. Everyone's life experiences are different so do not judge them. We can learn something positive from everyone.
• Family will love you no matter how big a crime you have committed. 
• Death is inevitable so we should stop wasting time on worrying about it, rather we should live everyday as its last.
• There is nothing that time won't heal, it might leave some scares but it wouldn't hurt as much as it did once.
• Forgiving is letting go of the wrong and setting yourself free.
• Grudges can never make anyone happy. 
• Eyes of a child are filled with innocence and those of an old man with wisdom. We can learn from both.
• Animals are capable of showing just as much emotions as humans, they can be more loyal than a human friend.
• Sometimes you have to let go of logic to enjoy life.
• One person can make a lot of difference in the world, even if it means making one person happy at a time.
• Money is overrated. Too much of it is worst than having too less. You stop valuing the important things in life and get to consumed with greed and lust for more. Money also can't buy happiness.
• Wars are unnecessary waste of time, life and money. All the money and power wasted on war and nuclear weapons if invested on a better project like food for the starved and education for deprived would make world a better place.
• Tell your loved ones you love them and love everyone like your own blood. 
• Don't just stand there and watch, do something about it.
• A walk in the park is more fun than a walk in a mall.
• Value what or you have...nothing last forever and you will miss it when you don't have it.
• There is nothing right or wrong, no good or bad, no wise or unwise, no truth or lies. 
• If your heart stops beating you die, if your heart stops loving  then you are as good as dead.
• Imperfections are everyones perfections its how we perceive things that make things perfect or imperfect.
• Honesty is not always the best policy sometimes being dishonest for the sake of helping others is much higher act than being honest and making someone unhappy.
• If one choses to look they will find happiness in the most unimaginable things.
• We can only truly love anyone else if we learn to love ourselves.

These are just a few things that came to my mind, I am sure there are more things that I have learnt and even more things that I will learn. With every new learning I will update this blog.

Please share your learnings as I would like you learn from everyone.