Value of Life.

Two scenarios: 1) A four months old human child tortured and murdered. 2) A calf ruthlessly slaughtered. One is buried in a casket, gets a full media coverage and the other gets served on your plate. Is that the value of  non human life?
How many of us do actually have the courage to see animals getting slaughtered and then be able to eat, wear or enjoy it? What are we? Who are we? Who gives us the right to kill or torture animals like that? We are the worst of our kind. We think of our selves as God who can decide when to kill and when to save. If you watch television or read they will show you the final product and where it comes from, how tender it is or delicious but they will never tell you how they are murdered. We know where the butcher shops are, but we don't know where the slaughter houses are. We say the meat is not good enough, its flesh that we are eating, animals had to give up their lives to be able to serve your appetite to be able to please you.
We debate about practising euthanasia on human lives but when it comes to animals we don't put in one thought. In places like Australia, I haven't seen one stray dog, what do you think happens to them. Surely, we are not stupid enough to think that they live a very happy life in shelters where they are put in cages, where they are denied of their basic extinct of freedom and running. and if they run out of shelters then what? they die. All this for what, so that WE are safe from disease etc.
A lot of people enjoy circuses, bullfights etc we pay money to go there and see animals get tortured. We see animals sitting on chairs, performing and find them so CUTE but just pause for one minute and give it a thought, what would make an animal do something so unnatural to it. Answer fear, torture. All the bulls that are forced to participate in bullfighting, you would think that they have gone crazy or its their natural selves but what that bull must have gone through to behave like that, it is confused it doesn't even know why its being treated like that. If the animals retaliate for their freedom in their own natural way they are labeled crazy and killed. They can't talk, they can't express themselves so we decide their fate.
They are hung upside down, then we slit their throats, scalded and burned while they are still alive. We humans think that they don't feel pain, that the jackets we wear, the leather couches we sit on, the food we eat comes from animals who might have been treated in a kind way, what is a kind way? They are killed, they have lost their freedom, they can't do anything because they are treated like objects.
$50 or less if we turn them into food, $500 or more if we turn them into objects to wear or sit on,  $25 to see them perform that is the value of non human life. And what about Zoos they epitomise insensitive and irrational behaviour. We go their to learn about their behaviour without realising its not even their natural habitat. They don't have the freedom to behave in their natural instinctive ways. Think about what they must feel, how sad and alone they must be. We all overjoyed over the birth of a new baby elephant in Melbourne zoo, but it is sad, very sad. That poor elephant will never know where it belongs, it can only dream of a place it has not even seen and reduced to live its pitiful life amongst the shrieking of children and the terrifying noises of cars and planes. Just imagine being in their place surrounded by unwanted spectators.
Often when I work in the restaurant I hear people say, oh not the veal its a baby cow so does it make any difference if we kill a cow or a baby cow or chicken? they are all living creatures and deserve to live.
If nature could take its revenge for what we have done to our fellow beings, who all are made from the same thing, have almost the same feeling or more we would not be alive. We have abused this planet earth. We don't deserve to live. They say survival of the fittest but this is more than survival. This is mass murder and we all have participated in it...just think about it.
Below is a clip from the documentary- Earthlings. I guess even if I try I cannot express myself in words. Please watch the movie and think about how far we have gone.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

When I was a little girl, my grandmother always told me a story. Here is how it goes.
Once upon a time there was a mother who loved her only child immensely. One day the child forgot to take his lunch with him. So she asked her maid who had started the work that very day to go to her son's school during recess and give him his lunch. The maid asked, "but how will I recognise your son...I have only just started working here and there would be so many children there"  The mother smiled and replied,"give this tiffin box to the most adorable child you see". On that note she left. When the child returned from school he complained that he was hungary and he did not get anything to eat during his recess. Mother furiously called the maid and asked her why she did not give the lunch to her son like she was asked to do. She innocently replied,"Madam, you asked me to give this lunch to the most adorable child in the school, so I gave it to my son...because I could not find anyone more adorable than my son.
Her son was squint eyed and dirty with a runny nose.
To most of us it would not be the definition of adorable but to his mother he was indeed the most charming and adorable kid in the whole school. This story stuck with me for a very long time. There are millions of things that we do not find beautiful, but if you look closely everything is beautiful in its own way. Everyday, I look into the magazines, movies, television etc the emphasis is on beauty products, how to get slimmer, tips on how to dress yourself up, on make up, what to wear - what not to wear, what to eat what not to eat. Since when has size 4 become size 10 its just size 4. What is this new craze about being thin? I mean what are these designers trying to do...save money on fabric? And whats with Botox, why can't people just age naturally? the other day I was looking at Nicole kidman's photograph, to me once she was really beautiful, even now she is, but she could have aged into someone like Meryl Streep who with age has just grown more and more beautiful. It shows a true character of a person, who is pretentious and who is not, who welcomes life with open arms and who doesn't. As an artist I find beauty in everything in an old lady or man, in a puddle of water, a fence; everything that is not made up to look beautiful but it is. Look around you, look at the sky, look at the clouds, look at the birds, look at that person sitting next to you, look carefully everyone and everything is beautiful its just how you see. After all beauty does lie in the eyes of the beholder. If you are beautiful from the inside you will find everyone around you beautiful.

Pushpa!

I come from a land where most are below the poverty line. I have seen a world that no one else here can probably imagine of. I have seen people who have starved to death. I have seen a land where people have to beg for money. I have seen how people work in sweat shops for as minimum as $1 a day and they work for 10 hours straight or more. Its heart breaking and it just makes me wonder what I am doing here. We spend exorbitant amount of money on good food and then complain about it. We spend thousands of dollars on clothes and then throw them away. Do you know where these designer clothes are made, in sweat shops, in slums. The amount of money you spend on jacket is the money a person earns in a month which is not even enough to buy them three meals a day.
When I was India, I felt for these people everyday but there was hardly much I could do for them. There were these young boys and girls who use to beg for money everyday at the same traffic light. One of the girls name was Pushpa. She was a beautiful 8 years old girl who would clean my windshield everyday for whatever I gave her in return. I grew more and more attached to her and I saw her everyday for three years. One day I didn't see her, I didn't think of it much. The next day no show either. I was surprised that I had not seen her for four days. After four day I saw her and this perfectly healthy beautiful girl had lost one of her arm. I could see through the dirty bandages her wounds were still not healed. I guess for the first time I decided to bunk college to spend some time with her. I had to find out what happened. She was surprised that I wanted to spend time with her. I asked her to hop into the car and so she did hesitantly. I thought I would take her some place to eat. I decided to take her to the nearest Mc Donald's. On our way, I asked her what happened to her arm. She very innocently and as matter of fact told me that because she is not earning enough money through begging her master cut her arm. When I asked her if anaesthesia was used, she told me she didn't know what anaesthesia was and all she had was a rag of cloth to put between her teeth. I was in tears, I still think about it and shudder what kind of man would do this to an 8 year old girl. I could not believe it even though its not an uncommon practice in India. I tried to be strong in front of this little girls who now was playing with the dolls on the dashboard. There was nothing I could have said to her to make her feel better nothing to take her pain away. Nothing.

When we reached Mc Donald's she felt shy and hid behind me. I asked her what she wanted to eat, she didn't know what food we get there so I ordered her a happy meal where she got a small toy as well. She and I sat in a corner, uncomfortably she chewed her food and looked outside the window. We didn't say anything. In the mean time a manager came up to me and very politely asked me to leave. I asked him why and he said that they can't have children like them come in, as it will effect the reputation of the restaurant. Obviously, it ended up in a huge argument and I refused to budge an inch warning them that I would sue them, they didn't argue much.

After Pushpa finished her meal, I asked her what she wanted to do, she shrugged her shoulders. I decided to take her to the zoo, her eyes lit up at the site of animals that she had never seen before and probably will never see again. Zoo trip was fun, but I felt I haven't done enough for her yet, I took her shopping and bought her a dress and some shoes. She picked a very gaudy dress but what the hell she liked it so why not. The one thing that kept bothering me the whole day was her dirty dressing, so I took her to the hospital where the doctor changed the dressing. He asked me why I was doing it and I told him I didn't know. He didn't charge me anything for it. It was getting late and I had to go home so I left her where I picked her up from, kissed her goodbye and left. The whole while I was choking up and tears pooled my eyes. She didn't thank me in words but her smile and her eyes said it all. I saw her everyday she never took any money from me again no matter how much I persisted.

I wish I could describe how I felt afterwards but I can't. I wish I had the words that would do justice to my feelings or the whole situation but there aren't any.

Racism.

One word Racism, the most controversial, the most overwhelming word for any one.
I come from a land where everyone is the same colour, we all mostly speak the same language. Sure, like any country we all have our differences but when I came to Australia I truly understood the meaning of this word and how it effects everyone. People told me that Australia is the least racist country, I don't know if it is or not. India and Melbourne are the only two places I have ever seen in my life so I can't really compare, but even if it is the least racist country does it make it any better or worse?

Honestly, speaking I have not faced racism as such, I have been lucky enough to work or make friends with people who have better things to think about than which race is better or which is bad. Sure, a lot of people I came across have mentioned that I have a slight Indian accent and I wonder if it is actually bad? I mean who doesn't have an accent? Italians have an accent, so do Australians, American and every country that exist. So, why is Indian accent made fun of so much? English is not our first language and thus it is hard for a lot us to sometimes understand other accents or speak fluently because we have to first translate whatever you say to us in our language and then to english. That is just the language, what about colour? we didn't decide what colour we were going to be born in, we didn't even have choice did we? So, should people be looked down upon for not being able to chose the colour of their skin?

There was a restaurant I was working in long time back when I had just come to Australia on Lygon Street. and I had manager who kept asking me to work on my accent and change it to sound more Australian. I never bothered about him, I would not change my identity for anyone. Similarly, sometime back two guys were fighting at the station and one person said to the other, that he should go back to his country. This annoyed me, I mean what does it even mean, everyone is a migrant here. So, since when did any piece of land become theirs or ours? Frankly, I find these people to be not only shallow but also too free with no purpose in their lives to have so much of time to think about hating people and think of themselves as a better race. There is a saying in our country "Atithi Devo bhava" which means Guests are like God. Most of us you will find will welcome you warmly, respect you and open their homes to you. So if I have or any one else, come to your country wouldn't you welcome us?

I have never understood this concept of racism and probably never will. I have never thought of myself better or worse than anyone and probably never will. When will other people join me in this fight against the very thought of racism. We all after all,  breath the same air, drink the same water (San pelligrino not count as different it is still made of the same substance) so when the nature does not discriminate why should we? life is too short to fight over such small issues and no one has ever gained any thing in return.  It is just not worth it.

Lies!

Our whole lives are made up of lies. Good lies, bad lies or just plain lies. I guess you would say that it is a pretty pessimistic approach to life but the only truth is that everyday we lie. We lie to our loved ones, to strangers, to colleagues and to even ourselves.

So, is lying a good thing or a bad thing. In Bhagwat Gita its written that lies told to save someones life or for someones benefit are good lies. But how do you decide which lie is a good or which is bad. Lie is a lie, but sometimes better than truth. I have been working in my restaurant for more than two years and everyday I have witnessed lies either from customers or from staff, friends myself etc. for various reasons like putting up a smile even when we feel that this day could not be any worse, pretending to care about if they should have fish or lamb, seeing married people date other people and anything to everything.
 
Whats the relevance of all this? Well, when I was at work today, I realised how my manager is living a lie. I mean he has built up a whole world where he thinks he is a dictator and he is always right. I think its more delusion than lies. So, anyway, there was secret meeting where we were given an opportunity to say whatever we wanted to say and everything would be 'confidential' somewhere the whole thing got leaked and we were in trouble. Now, my manager thinks that we betrayed, cheated and lied to him. After the meeting when I met him today I confronted him and told him that he has some problems that he needs to work on. Instead of listening to me or anyone of us he insulted us and told us we were not  good enough for him. Which is fine considering that he is upset right now. But while talking to him I realised that he believes that he is always right and everyone around him is stupid. I mean coming from a man who told us that Asia was a 'country' and India was in east asia which is a different continent from asia, a man who ordered us to wipe the water jugs from the outside because he did not understand condensation, I mean seriously?   So, he is lying to himself everyday that he knows best or better than anyone else and because of his delusional attitude most of us have resigned. So, my question is, if you don't talk about something you know...is it still counted as a lie? and which is worse lying to others or lying to ourselves? you answer.

The perfect Man!

Have you noticed that The Cinderella story, The sleeping beauty, Pride and prejudice, Twilight etc all these books and movies are all fantasies? Now think about it and honestly tell me how many of you have formed a picture of a perfect guy based on these books. My guess almost all of us. 
While growing up my definition of a perfect man was Mr. Darcy. Somehow, I believed that there was some Darcy for me out there. Who is perfect in every manner. Who was strong and yet vulnerable, who knew what he was doing, who would take charge of situation and get me out of my troubles. No matter who your fantasy guy is he will never be a real life person. The thing about us women is that we live in a fantasy world. We watch movies and read books and build up our own dreamworld, that not everyone of us can have. I mean think about it, most of the characters are rich guys, kings, lords, even vampires. They have all the power and money so they don't have to work and thus are left with plenty of time to plan a romantic evening or think about love all the time. But think about those guys who everyday wake up to make the ends meet, who have to work 9-5 everyday or more, who have to worry about the rent, the bills the children. Can they actually afford to be as romantic as Mr Darcy or Edward from twilight. I mean seriously, Edward does not work, he has just been wasting time going to school over and over again for years or even centuries if I am not wrong. So of course, he has all the time in the world to take Bella on an adventure, or spend as much time as he wants with her, he for some reason does not seem to be interested in television which leaves me with a question does he listen to the news? how aware is he about the current affairs. He could get a job even if he looks young but he seems to be just comfortable doing nothing.

 My point is that we women expect so much out of our husbands, boyfriends that we forget how hard they work and how stressed they must get to actually plan something special and we all can agree that when we talk about special we want exorbitant special. We are so engulfed by these movies where everything is so perfect and romantic, where even the imperfect is perfect that we forget to notice small gesture that our partners do for us, like I just came back from work and my sweet husband had already washed all the dishes for me, like he actually listens to me and remembers everyones names that I mentioned, every morning we wake up he would listen to my blog patiently, and when we sleep he would always reach out to me. These are few, very small things that one might overlook thanks to the big fantasies that various impractical authors have weaved for us. Sometimes, I feel that men are such simple creatures and if we give them a chance then all our partners can be perfect in every way and all of us can have a perfect fairytale ending. Sure, there are men that you just don't get along with but don't have a checklist, or a fantasy in your head, have an open mind and who knows you might meet your Darcy someday like I met mine.

Alone time.

I am a people person, I love being surrounded by people almost all the time. I guess most of us enjoy being surrounded by friends, family or even strangers. We just try to lose ourselves in other people's company, we forget about our problems, laugh and mostly over all feel happy. But does our happiness have to be completely dependent on others?

Not so long back, we had a flatmate, her biggest fear was of being alone. To avoid being alone she would call up her friends, party all night, chat online and basically do everything in her power to be away from herself. There was a sense of restlessness about her. She was always trying to keep herself busy, put music really loud and it always seemed to me that she was hiding not only from something but someone...herself. One day I even confronted her about her restlessness and her lack of ability to sit still alone in one room for more than two minutes. When asked, she didn't know why she didn't want to be alone but she said that she sometimes feels too lonely and gets suicidal when alone, few proofs were marked on her wrist. To me it came as a surprise. As much as I like company of other, I do wish to have some quite time for myself. Like every night after my husband sleeps I sit somewhere and write or every morning I wake up, I start to paint in my so called studio, so for me it was hard to comprehend. I mean one understands that it can be sometimes boring to sit by yourself but suicidal? Seriously?

 What is it that scares us so much about being alone? Why do we look for ourselves in others? Everyday I see people making plans, talking for hours on phone, texting, chatting and messaging each other on face book. I agree that interacting with other people is very healthy but what is this unnecessary compulsion to do any of the above all the time. Why are we so afraid of being alone with ourselves? We came to this earth alone and we are definitely going to die alone, then, what is so wrong in being alone? I realised that I am at my best when I am alone. I paint well, I cook well, I even write well when I am alone because there is no one to judge me, no one to interfere with my work, no one to tell me what to do. So, spend some quality alone time with yourself, discover new things about yourself, observe yourself and you might just learn a new thing about yourself that might change your life. If you are scared to be alone because you have done something wrong, forgive yourself, If you are scared of being alone because you miss someone, then think about the happy times and you will be surprised how happy you would feel later, if you are avoiding being alone for any reason overcome that fear and you will see that you will never have to look for happiness anywhere else because you will find it all within yourself.

Relationships are hard work.

In our day to day lives we put in so much of time and effort to make our relationships work but wouldn't it be easier if we keep our expectations aside and leave the ego behind. It is easier said than done. Sometimes, even after putting in all your efforts and all your energy they still don't work. Why is that? answer is simple men and women are two different species, who speak different languages. Men think rationally and women...well we women think from our hearts. Most of the times something is lost in translation. I will be impartial here. Its not boys fault or a girls. Its the individuals who do wrong things.
I was once in an abusive relationship and as much as I tried I kept going back to him. He was not a bad person per se...but he would often get jealous to see me sitting with any guy, he would hit me sometimes if I were talking to some guy, I was not allowed to wear certain kind if clothes, but most of all he would insult me in front of my friends and never took a stand for me. That left me with a very low self esteem. He kept asking me for more and I kept giving in, thinking that the more I give in to his petty demands the happier our relationship would be. I tried and pushed myself to the limits. Even though I did everything right, I found myself gradually resenting him day by day. Until one day I decided I could not take it anymore and said to myself ' thats it'. I broke up with him and even though he tried everything in his power to get me back, I had had enough. I moved on but now he hated me. He told me I was not good enough for anyone, I did not deserve anyone and then to make things worse he started calling my friends and saying really bad things about me. Started spreading rumours and tried to hurt me in every possible manner he could. My friends tried to get us back together but I was determined not to go back to him. There is only as much as one can take. I turned a deaf ear to everyone because they did not know or understand what I had been through. I moved on in life and eventually fell in love again with a wonderful man who is now my husband we have been love for 10 years now (touch wood) we have our differences time to time but we come around...always. When I look at him I know I did the right thing by leaving my ex boyfriend. Sometimes in life you have to move on to find happiness. Sometimes you have to come out of your comfort zone to be  able to find your self esteem. You deserve better. Everyone deserves to be loved and cared for and if you look closely that person could be right in front of your eyes or sitting right next to you.
This is for my sweet angel, who deserves much better, you have beautiful soul and any guy would be lucky to have you. Don't sit around sum up some courage because no one is worth spending your whole life under stress and frustration. You have to realise you self worth and you will find happiness is right there in front of you, you just have to reach out and grab it.

Train stations.

Have you ever stood on a train station? I mean just stand there and let time pass you by. I guess not unless you are waiting for a train nobody just stands there on a train station.

I did today. Not because I was waiting for a train or for someone, but because I just wanted to. I saw people go by. I saw people pour in and vanish in those trains one after another. If you look at it you will find nothing special but if you see carefully there is always something happening.

Every face tells a story it might not be relevant to us but for that person it is something important. Like there goes a man late for somwhere, sits there a young boy sharing his chips with seagulls, and an old lady trying to cope with pace of young generation just to find a quite safe place to stand, her life is etched on her skin, every wrinkle on her skin is a tale in itself, of her sorrows,  her joys of everything she must have been through. She must have been young once just like one of us, but it was just so hard for me to go back those many years and picture her back then. She must have fallen in love, found a husband, held her children, seen them grow up. She must have a lot of loved ones but right now she just stood alone with her groceries and a walker on which she banked completely to walk. She is running out of breath and looking for place to sit but where? all the seats are occupied and no one even noticed her to offer her one. Too afraid to ask she just stands and waits but her train is after 20 minutes what would she do till then, so she stares at nothing...what was she thinking then? Tired she shifts her weight from one foot to another, luckily someone got up just to throw a can and she occupies that seat. She is waiting and waiting, and then she is asleep, her head is falling and she wakes up. Squints her eyes to check how much time is left, there is plenty so she dozes of again. "the next train to depart from platform five will be  the 9:22 Sydenham via the city loop" hearing the announcement she wakes up. Adjusts her dress, tucks her hair behind her ear just like she must have done 50 years ago, only this time her actions are slower. She get up with a great difficulty even though the train has not yet arrived and walks carefully trying not to come in anyones way or being pushed by someone, people push her but she apologises. The train arrives and only a few steps of gap is left between the two (train and the old lady) she waits for everyone to get on in the train first and then follow them in. The train doors closes and she is gone. I might see her again, I might never see her again, but in that moment somehow I felt that I knew her. In this rat race where everyone was occupied, restless and in rush to go ahead of each other aimlessly, she was the only one who wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere. For me she was the lady at the station who took her nap while waiting for her train instead of calling someone and cribbing about it or sulking about it.

Happy birthday to me!

Another year has passed and my birthday is here again. What is it about birthdays that makes you feel like a child again? Why do all of a sudden we get so excited over our birthdays?
For me its my childhood memories that come back. One of those memories are when I was in third grade I was told by my parents that 'this year we will not celebrate your birthday'. I have to admit back then I was a little disappointed considering I would have missed out on all the gift and presents. So, sad and hurt, grudgingly I went to school, I didn't create too much fuss in front of them but sulked the whole day at school wondering why they refused to celebrate my birthday...did they not love me anymore, was I not important enough for them and few petty thinks like that poisoned my brain. After 7-8 hours of sulking and a very long face I got off the school bus and entered the house with a surprise waiting for me at home. The whole house was decorated with colourful streamers, balloons, games and everything you could think of. Mama had baked the most perfect cake, delicious sweets and all my favourite dishes. I was so happy that I could hardly retain myself. That was first best surprise I ever got.
Then when I reached eighth standard Mama was suffering from cancer. She was admitted in AIIMS hospital and we hadn't seen her in a very long time. That day when I woke up my grandfather had gift for me next to my pillow...it was the watch I had an eye on for a very long time. Papa then later took us to meet Mama...I still remember her frail face, I could not see her smiling as she wore a mask like us, but her eyes sparkled as we entered the room. She was not allowed to hug me as I might be carrying germs and her immunity was not strong enough, but she didn't care about any of that and hugged me anyway. That was more than anything else that I could have prayed for on my birthday that day (that was the last birthday I spent with Mama). After a while we were dropped back at home and Papa went back to Mama. Some of my friend told me that they would be dropping by later in the evening...since I had no plans of celebrating my birthday I didn't have anything fancy at home for them to eat. I didn't tell anyone at home about my friends dropping by and just asked one of the helper to bring some chips and coke. Thats it, thats all I asked them to bring as I didn't know any better. Friends started pouring in, with gift etc. I was in my old jeans and t.shirt. We were playing musical chairs when I saw Papa come in on his scooter with cakes, pastries and all the good stuff. He even got balloons and streamers and all my friends helped in making it look like my birthday. These were a few gestures that made this day special for me every year. And probably thats the reason why I still get excited about my birthdays. Papa has never forgotten to wish me or send me a gift even when I am in australia and he is India. I have the best birthday every year because God has given me every wonderful person in life, a father who is my best friend, grandparents who sacrificed their happiness to take care of us, a sister who is always there for me and last but not the least a new addition to my family my husband whom I love so much. So, on that note Happy birthday and many many happy returns of the day to me.
PS: Yes I have turned older now, I am 27 but I guess you are never too old to celebrate your birthday. My husband took me to Mc Donald's and that was exactly what I wanted right now.

Its the worst.

So, today I was working with Micheal (Colleague/ friend) who was tediously making coffees one after another. He must have made at-least fifty coffees in one hours. Ofcourse, one understands that it can be very monotonous, I know it, I have been in his position n number of times. But is it the worst? While making those coffees he said," Making coffees is the worst job in the world" and I asked him if he genuinely felt that way or was he just saying it for the heck of it. He genuinely felt that it was the worst.

 Now, seriously think about it...how many times we use these words..."Its the worst " in a day. My guess far to many times to even remember, like when you get paper cuts, or you get a flu, or if your steak was overcooked, these are a few examples that I have heard in one day. Is it really the worst?  Think about the people who get injured and lose their limbs, think of the people who lay in bed for almost half their lives fighting cancer, think of the people who cannot even afford to buy a slice of bread. Suddenly making fifty coffees for which you are getting paid doesn't seem that bad, does it?

In our day to day lives we choose these words and usually even feel strongly towards it without even realising what it means or without putting much thought into it. I realised how wrong it is to use these phrases when I was coming back from work one night in a train. I was sitting next to a bunch of young girls who were just returning from a night club. They kept complaining how there shoes hurt because they had been wearing heals for so long, and one of them started complaining about how her toe was weird and that IT WAS THE WORST. An old man sitting next to them was listening to their conversations and was smiling. Everything seemed just perfectly fine with him and there was nothing unusual about him but when he arrived at his station he got up and said," Darling, that toe of yours is beautiful and trust me Its not the worst...this is". He lifted his pant and we saw an artificial leg. One can only imagine what he must have gone through or what he felt when he lost his leg.  All I am saying is we should be grateful for what ever we have. Nothing is the worst if you don't think of it so. Life will never be perfect but if you take it in a good stride everything would seem so.

Freedom!

Today I did what I thought was not possible. I finally resigned from my monotonous job. The manager was not happy about it, but I guess I no longer care about what he thinks.
So, this is what freedom actually feels like...I can almost taste it now. Noticed the 'almost'...well I gave him a notice of thirty days, I thought why not leave at good terms (not that its ever going to happen)
Anyway, thats not the point...I feel light and free today. Like a whole new world of opportunities has opened today. I even forced my husband to get me a canvas and like I said I did start painting. Thoughts had lost their way to my mind, Ideas refused to enter and I found myself blank like my canvas which lay just outside my bedroom door. I stared at my canvas it stared back, went back to my bedroom came out and it was still staring at me, went back again, played WII...lost. Peeped outside my bedroom door to see if it was still there (canvas)...it was, I had to do something. So, I found my brushes which were now lying somewhere in a corner sad and neglected. I hunted for paints which fell off from the box, each falling in different direction like they all had conspired to punish me for ignoring them for four years, I collected them all and finally sat down to paint, but paint what?
Suddenly out of nowhere it rained and I knew what I had to do, ideas poured like rain and I started painting again and my new journey has finally started. I have to admit I am a bit rusty right now, I am not able to paint the way I used to four years back but I will come around. After all "practice makes a man/woman perfect."

PS: I did dance today while walking towards my train station...don't ask what happened next. (Hint: lets just say people think I am crazy).

What If?

Every morning I wake up, I think I will do this, I will do that...What if today I do everything that I want to do. What if today I wake up and decide that I don't want to go for work and I don't actually show up for work without any phone call without informing my work place. I will in all probability get fired, and so what if I do?
What if I just smile the whole day today without any reason even if I am sad. What if I do exactly what my non rational part of my brain tells me to do. What if I start dancing in the train or scream in the library...people will judge me right? That is the worst that will happen but at least I will have one day to look back and think that I did I wanted to do and I didn't care about any rules, regulations or manners. Today I will paint, I will go for a walk, I will dance, Today I will smile at everyone I see (even if they think its creepy) today and maybe tomorrow I will do every thing that my heart tells me to. For once I will break the chains of obligations, responsibilities everything that holds me back and feel free. I will let people judge me, I will let them stare at me because what the hell in my heart I know that somewhere they want to do the same.
So, I have decided I am going to resign, I know my manager will not be happy with it. I know that probably the next few months would be hard on me (financially) but I have been wanting to this for a very long time. For two years and six months I have worked as a waitress (Well not even that a commi or food runner) and I am sick and tired of doing the same thing over and over again. I know my job so well that I can do it with my eyes closes. I was very good at painting and I will go back to that even if it means struggle everyday. So, today I am not going to ask me this question 'What if I resign today, that I have been asking myself from past six month...I am going to do it'. And all the rest What ifs...well lets see how it goes.

What is real?

I am sure that all of us at one point has wondered,"what is real"? I don't know if any of us have found an answer with a proof yet.

 Today, I was just sitting outside in my backyard and saw a mushroom growing at the almost dead patch of grass. I hadn't see it earlier, maybe I missed or it just takes it a day or two to grow, but the point is, WAS IT REAL? Of course, I could feel it, see it,  maybe even smell it if I moved to close (which I did). So, I should believe that its real, right. Now, think about it...my brain sent me a signal when I saw it and touched it and then it believed that it is real because we have been taught that everything that you can feel, touch, smell, see etc. is real. So, if someone hypnotised me today into believing that it in-fact does not exist then would it become unreal to me. Or if a schizophrenic saw it for whom, every thing unreal is  real as well, would he believe it is real or unreal? Do you also sometimes wonder like I do, if we all see the same thing as they truly are? that is if they exist. I know it sounds crazy, but do you sometimes look around you and feel that you are the only living creature and rest are all a part of your imagination or like its a world that you have created for yourself?  

And then, sometimes I wonder if its all a dream...because come to think of it when we dream, we are doing something then as well, we are still feeling things, seeing things and everything looks natural and real. We don't think then, that we might be asleep we just live a life too in our dreams just like we do when when we are awake, we see same people in our dream world too and do the usual stuff as well which seems perfectly real.  

The question that bothers me is not only the existence of everything around me but my existence as well.  Also, if what I see is what you see, if what I feel is what you feel. Do I look exactly like the way I see myself in the mirror, is my husband appearance in everyones else's eyes the same. I am sure he is, but come to think of it, its only our brain that decides what what is. What we see ourselves as (bodies) doesn't actually matter. Ultimately, we are our brain, our body is just an accessory for it.

Sometimes, we say 'but my HEART THINKS it is wrong'. What is heart, it is just an organ pumping blood, it doesn't think, it cannot think, its the brain (which is also just and organ) that does all the thinking, its the brain that falls in love, feels sad etc. ultimately its our brain that makes us believe that the mushroom does actually exist. So, what the hell as long my brain thinks its there, its there. 

Materialism

Has anyone ever wondered how we have come to this point of life where everything is about Materialist pleasures. Its all about how much money we have, how many shoes bags, cars etc.Every day we are battling against time, brain storming with ourselves about money, money and more money.

 I envy animals, they have nothing to worry about no one to impress, no rents to pay, and yet they survive and seem perfectly happy with what they have. We on the other hand are never happy with what we have. We want more, we never ask for anything less. Who gave us the power to decided what is best for the world. First we made or invented things that led to global warming and now, "We"want to resolve the issue. Who are we, anyway?. Technically we are animals too. We humans decided that we are smarter than all the other species and thus decided that we should control everything in the world but why? Ultimately the truth is that we are going to die and all the medicines, surgeries, eating healthy is not going to help. I am not saying that just because all of us are going to die we should just adopt an unhealthy life style, but for some reason I don't see the point of any of this.

 Land was land...open to all the species, then when did it become my land or yours? Countries fight over land, people die for land, people kill for land...why? I am from India, from an Army background, I saw my father aimlessly protect our country from terrorism, but why did India and pakistan or any other country become a country at the first place? I wish it was all one nation where we all did what we wanted to do, fly where we wanted to, go and live anywhere we want. See the world from a birds eye and pay no taxes, or APPLY to be a permanent resident. I wish all the countries would open their arms to all the nations without racism, caste, or creed. These all were man made things...just like God. We created God, a belief a faith to bank on without even knowing of its existence, something to bank on when we didn't have all the answers, WE painted a picture of Him or her without ever seeing him in person, who decided how jesus looked like, we haven't seen him its an image of that is being passed down from generation to generation what if we missed a step? are we so naive that even the picture of God has been chosen for us? Will we believe everything that has been fed to us by media, markets, advertisements or priests? They make us believe its the truth that they are bringing to us but what is the truth, there is no truth just like there are no lies. There s nothing right or wrong all illusions. They decide-we believe...BLIND FAITH.  Like fashion...who decides what is fashionable? We all have brains and capabilities to dress ourselves but its all about designer labels, best accessories...clothing has become a substance of desire than basic necessity. Do designers have that much of power over us that they can decide what is IN and what is OUT? We own ourselves and we should decide whats best for us.

I come from a middle class family which was below middle class once upon a time, We had a scooter and four of us (My Father, Mother sister and I) would just travel on that from one state to the other, we didn't have colour television or cable at that time, no WII or playstations either, no mobile phones no internet and we were much happier then because we invented games and used our brains. We played outside so we made friends and went to each others homes. Now, when we want to talk we call on mobiles, or just pop in a message on facebook, instead of going out for walks in fresh air we want to go to clubs, movies and malls where every thing boils down to the same old thing...Money. We try to buy happiness, we will even spend our last penny to buy happiness. I am not saying that money is not important, in this materialistic world money is the only survival factor but doesn't it make you sad to know that we are controlled by a piece of paper.
I know I am no the only one who has asked this question to ourselves especially when we are tight on our budget but all I am saying is that Today, just today, right now lets go out sit anywhere...on the beach in our gardens, next to a road.. in the park and do some introspection. Make friends with ourselves, how long has it been since we asked ourselves WHAT DO I TRUELY WANT? Lets Talk to ourselves, find ourselves in us and not in others or movies(like I sometimes do...*grins*). Help others, smile, love and  just be nice, let us throw away the garbage of hatred or selfishness and be what we really want to be because these are the only things that don't cost money and still make you happy :)
Someone once said "If you see a person without a smile give him one of yours".