Non Violence.

When I was a little girl, I did not understand the true meaning of non-violence. I use to believe in 'Tit for Tat' policy, I always felt that to get you message across one had to opt for violence (but more like verbal violence). While growing up and watching all the movies, I strongly believed that to conquer evil with good one had to fight back, all the action heros would often indulge themselves in a fist fight.

So, when I learnt about Gandhi ji's philosophy on non-violence, I did not understand. For the longest period of time I believed that what he did was unnecessary and that he probably was not 'Man enough'. As I started growing up, I started to understand what he meant. I realised that no battle big or small can be won through violence, it will only make things worse. I learnt that people only make a fool of themselves when they are not in control of their temper and it takes far much more courage to stay calm. Hats off to the Great Man that he was for encouraging and teaching the world about non-violence. Peace thought out the world is only thing essential for Mankind. I wish another Gandhi ji is born because the world needs a new hope and light.

Commonwealth Games 2010

I am extremely sad today. I am sad because I watching the opening ceremony of Common Wealth Games 2010 Delhi on youtube and all those comments...they saddened me. As if land wasn't enough now even youtube has become a war zone. It is disappointing to know that even though we live in the 21st century we still behave so racially and backwardly.
Commonwealth games are meant to act as a platform to bring nations together, instead, it has given reason for people to fight more. I don't understand, where is the sportsmanship that people talk about, where is that time gone when sports was all just about sports? Since when, has it become a competition about which country is better or worse?
Whatever said and done, India tried really hard to give a warm welcome to everyone participating. Yes, our politicians failed to an extent but think about all the Indians who stood behind the games, the rest of us who prayed and worked towards the betterment of the Games. Agreed, that our country is not perfect but we are trying to make it better. I understand that it might have failed to reach a lot of other countries standards but i know we gave our best shot. I apologise to other nations if we have failed your expectations but I am still proud of what it has done. I hope that in future all the nations will come together, join hands and play like sports are meant to be played.

Patriotism

"Where the mind is without fear 

and the head is held high; 

                                                Where knowledge is free; 

Where the world has not been 

broken up into fragments by 

narrow domestic walls; 

Where words come out from 

the depth of truth; 

Where tireless striving stretches 

its arms towards perfection; 

Where the clear stream of reason 

has not lost its way into the dreary 

desert sand of dead habit; 

Where the mind is lead forward by thee 

into ever-widening thought and action- 

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, 

let my country awake." 

By Rabindranath Tagore.

Lets walk back on that lane again when all Indians felt a sense of pride, where the ability to do better than yesterday was our goal, when every individual knew his responsibility toward our mother nation and when we all held our head high.


We have seen hardships more than any country but we defeated every hurdle, moved every obstacle and found our freedom, through; hard work, sacrifice and love toward not only our nation but also towards our fellow human beings. Let us not forget how far we have come, let us do our bit to take it even further. 


Realise that it is not just a politician's job to run the nation but ours, he is just our voice. So, if our thoughts are selfish in thinking and worrying only about ourselves, then that is how far his thoughts would go too. Contribute in the development of our nation by giving your best in what ever you do. Acknowledge the fact that behind every nation that stands strong its people stand stronger. Remember that we fought many wars, we managed to win our nation back and still live free, it was not because of just one leader but many simpletons like you and I who knew what had to be done. Understand that none of us are perfect but if we try we can come closer with every step. 


Our contribution can be small but it makes a huge difference if we try. Things like not littering here and there, recycling as much as possible, treating each other with respect no matter what caste, creed, religion, sex, etc one belongs to. Try to encourage people to buy Indian products, you will be amazed how well our economy will do. Stop vandalism, our country is our home, it is NOT 'cool' to be have a  'I DON'T CARE ATTITUDE'. Stand up for what is right, our generation has the opportunity to rationalise and it is a time for another revolution, a time to wake up again and free ourselves of selfishness, ego, hatred, overlook our petty differences, its time to take things in our own hands. If someone is not doing their job do yours and help them with theirs. Do what ever you are best at, if you paint, paint for India, if you write, write good things about India, if you sing, sing its prayers for it has given us more than we have given it.


Do not criticise your nation for it did not meet your expectation, it failed because we failed. It will rise when we help it rise. Lets all become one again because, "United we stand, divided we fall".

My Conversation with a Ghost.

All incidents and characters in this blog are fictitious, and resemblance to any incident or character is solely unintentional.

Last night when I was sleeping, I saw a ghost, like the one you see in movies such as The Grudge. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, black or white tall or really short but obviously it wasn't very pretty. It wasn't doing anything particularly, just standing next to my bed and staring at me., which was very creepy.  Not knowing if it was real or a figment of my imagination, I just closed my eyes and went to sleep. The moment I closed my eyes, I felt a cold hand grab my nape. Completely aware that it could have only been that ghost I turned around and asked him, "What the hell are you doing...are you going to eat me", to which the ghost replied, "Yes". Accepting my fate as it came, I waited for it to kill me and eat me but the ghost just stared at me. I asked it what happened and it told me that it actually was a vegetarian and was new to this ghost business. So, I asked it about the plan of action and it said, that it just thought of scaring me a bit because that is what it had seen in the movies when  it was actually alive.
Not aware of the protocol here I woke up and got out of bed (I didn't want to disturb my husband), so I told it to quietly  follow me in the kitchen and it did, since, it had told me it had a preference  for vegetarian food, I fixed it a glass of milk and gave him some cake. It ate very fast and I was actually surprised that the food didn't fall of from its body considering it seemed like a foggy image in the air. So the following conversation took place:
Me: "So how long have you been a ghost?"
Ghost: "Umm...i guess two or three days".
Me: "You went to hell? Did you meet Satan...is he as bad as they show"
Ghost: "Why would you ask me if I went to hell and not heaven?"
Me: "well...you know...because you don't look so good."
Ghost: "Its the way I died so, I remained like this I guess."
Me: "you guess? what do you mean you guess, you didn't meet God or the Devil? you didn't see the tunnel of light?"
Ghost: "no, I just woke up and realised that I was dead".
Me: "How did your body die?"
Ghost: "oh! a car crash...drink driving".
Me: "hmm...no wonder you look like this...hey! can I ask you, please don't be offended...are you a girl ghost or a boy ghost?"
Ghost: "can't you tell? I am a boy ghost."
Me: "Oh ok. Do you think you can have a bath and look a bit better?"
Ghost: "I tried but it didn't work".
Me: "So, what are you going to do now, now that I am not scared and all".
Ghost: "I don't know".
Silence...
Me: "hey listen, I am bit sleepy, so, I guess I am gonna go back to sleep, you can stay ok, just chill out, watch some t.v help yourself to anything you want to eat ok, if you want you can use the couch to sleep on ok, just as long as the you promise not to get any blood on the couch, it fairly new".
Ghost: "Gee thanks! what movies do you have, don't worry about blood it doesn't come off".
Me: "what kind of movies do you want to watch? I have some romantic comedy,  action movies, war, thriller, mysteries and some horror".
Ghost: "Do you have that movie called the Paranormal activity? I didn't get to watch it when I was alive.
Me: "ya...sure, maybe you can pick up some tips from there, how to scare people, I mean that movie scared the hell out of me".
Ghost: "how can a movie scare you and not I, a real life ghost...what the hell, I suck at being a ghost".
Me: "no you scared me, really. Anyway, see you later am going to sleep now. Keep it down ok...thanks"
Ghost: "thanks".
So, I went back to sleep again, when my husband woke up the next day the television was still on, he asked me if I left it on and I told him it was a ghost. He didn't believe me but because he already thinks I am a bit weird he left it at that.

Religion.

Now lets talk about something else today, so, I was sitting and watching this Youtube video of a man who tore a page out of Bible and Quran each, to see which burns faster as a joint or cigarette (I couldn't tell). I agree that it was just a book but I did not see a point for going to such an extreme to prove his point. I am not very religious or God fearing either but I do respect other people's emotions and just because I don't believe in something, doesn't mean that others don't care either. It is like what my Mother-In-Law once said, "religion is like a photograph of a loved one, just a piece of paper and yet if somebody stamps on it with their foot, one does get offended" and I agree, as I watched that video, I felt a bit offended myself, not because he burnt pages out of holy books but because he did not care enough to respect other people. Anyway, he chose to do what he did, maybe, he was desperate to prove his point that religion is above materialism.

Speaking of which, I don't understand one thing about religion, we fight, we argue, we kill, we die on the name of religion, when all religions say or preach just one thing 'love all living beings'. I would like to see which Quran, Gita, Bible or any other religious books claims that they are better than the rest or that we should follow one and not the other. If that is what one claims then, I can only say that either they have been tampered by us humans for our own selfish purpose or they are not worth following. God is a faith to hold onto an inner will to keep you going when you have no hope left. Giving names to him, dividing him through colour, caste, creed hardly seems fair. Are we so naive to see that we humans created religion, I refuse to believe that Christ or Krishna came to earth and said, "oh you human beings, I declare that from now onward, there will be a religion called Christianity or hinduism and we would like you to follow us". I mean seriously, are we ready to compromise logic over blind faith? Try to pick good values, learn to differentiate between right and wrong, understand that we all are living creature, evolved through the same substance, this earth is as much yours as mine, stop wasting time with which is better or worse, one can never be happy unless we truly love each other.

Sick of being sick (shitty post sorry)

Another day and flu again. I just hate it, it is like it puts a halt to my life, not that I had been busy doing anything constructive anyway, but at least there was hope, now, for the next few days there is no hope, I can't go scuba diving, not that I had any plans in the near future, I can't go bungee jumping, not that I would have attempted to,  I can't go running not that the lazy me would have, so basically, you get the picture right. There is no hope.

I feel like eating something but my body is feeling too tired to get out of bed, I have a runny nose, watery eyes, sore throat, body aches, I can't sleep etc.etc. and all I want is soup and some loving but unfortunately there is no soup or any one to love me at home. So, I will just lie on my bed and sulk to myself. Maybe, I will even sum up the courage to walk to the kitchen and make myself some Maggie.

Sorry about this blog, just needed to vent out a bit, you know what they say, 'cribbing about your unhappiness to others is an instant recipe to make yourself feel better. (ok nobody says that,  I am saying it, you can quote me on that) its working on you, I know it is, you are now thinking, "wow I am so glad I feeling well and thank god I don't write such icky blogs"

Life as an Army Officer's daughter.

Today, I saw a video of soldiers returning and meeting their families after really long. I could relate to that. My father was in the army, and most of the times he would be posted to field stations. There were times when we would see him for only a month in a whole year, sometimes, even less, depending on how much leave he would be left with. Even in peace stations, he would have to pack his bags and leave, so, we the family would be left behind.

Back in those days owning a telephone was expensive, and the only way we could contact him were letters. Mobiles were not even introduced then, and since we didn't have a phone we would go to our neighbours house (if they had a phone) or at the guard's room. I remember, Papa would call up and leave  a message with the guard, that he would call back again, and so, five in the morning, we would wait in the guard's room, still groggy from sleep, staring blankly at the phone, at every ring we would jump expecting it to be him...when the call would finally arrive, we could barely hear him and thus, would shout in the mouthpiece as if that would make it more audible. Then, we started recording tapes and exchanging them with each other, every time his would arrive we would sit in front of the music system and listen to it over and over again, even have our dinner while listening to his tapes, especially the part where our names were mentioned. When, we recorded, we would record and re-record to make it the most interesting tape for him.

The day he was expected to come back, Mama would dress us up in our finest clothes and would do the same for herself. My sister and I would wait impatiently, sometimes, even waiting in the guard's rooms to spend as much time with him as possible, and when we would see his auto (tuk-tuk) arrive we would jump with joy and hop in. While, we would hog on all the time, Mama would wait patiently for hers. Sometimes, we would miss him so much that we cried, and Mama would bravely hold her tears and console us, but who was consoling her?

Most of my civilian friends found it cool that I belonged to an army background, and all they ever saw were the fancy dinners, parties, guns that my father must be holding, how many people he must have killed and all that, sure, we had a lot of fun being the army kids, luxuries and places that we got to see, but they never saw the pain, they never understood how hard it was to move from one place to another and make new friends every year. How our mothers suffered every time their husbands left, or how worried we all are when they are posted in field stations. If Army taught all the army families one thing, then it is how you cannot take life or your loved ones for granted.

So, when I saw this video, I understood.

Reflections.

Lately, I have been very negative or that is what Papa told me. I don't mean to be negative, but I guess idle times call for some introspections. Everyday is the same, a reflection of the previous and I like that. My mind is numb. No not in a depressing manner, not in a negative manner either. Its as if it is shut. Do you ever have that feeling, where you are not particularly excited about anything and at the same time nothing upsets you. I know I have sounded negative in my past few blogs, but I guess its good sometimes to be that as well, you find out more about yourself.

Yesterday, just like that, I stared at myself in the mirror for very long, the person staring back at me was me and yet seemed so much older. I don't mind ageing in-fact I am quite happy about it. Happy; because I lived those wonderful years, I am satisfied with my life, except for losing Mama so early, there is nothing else I would change. I have a wonderful father, greatest grandparent, a beautiful sister and a loving yet already senile husband and so, I feel like this is what I am here for. Not to do something very big, not to conquer the world, not to have my name written in the papers, but, to just be with everyone around me. To love them to cherish them. I no longer find happiness in worldly pleasure except for good food, I no longer find the necessity to beautify everything around me because everything around me is beautiful the way it is.

If I back track in my mind, I have no regrets, at least not yet and I am hoping that in the future also, I will feel as content and happy with my life as I do today. So, as long as the sun is shining, birds chirping, rivers flowing, everyone is in good health...all is well, I am well.

Little things that annoy me.

I don't know how many of you have noticed but a lot times these things happen; like when you are talking to someone and the moment you tell them that you are really, really unwell, all of a sudden they start talking about how sick they feel...like hello, I just asked you how you were feeling and you said you feel great, so its my turn, you had your chances...so how come all of a sudden you fell sick, huh?

When you see something beautiful, I don't know about you guys but things like sunsets, trees, flowers good food gets me really excited, and then I would say something like this, "Wow! look at that sunset, isn't that beautiful?" and the person would reply something like, "I have seen better". I didn't ask you if you if you have seen anything better, I am telling you that this right now is beautiful.

Then there are these people who know everything, like am talking about lets say; how corrupt Indian policemen are and they would say something like, "I know what you are saying", ...how can you possibly know what I am saying, you have never been to India, never met any Indian policemen...all you have are  good-looking, serious about their jobs policemen here in Australia.

And then sometimes, when you meet someone, and they ask you, "So, where are you from?" and I would be like, "India" and they would say," Oh really, my Aunts, friend lives in India". Now I don't know what to say to here, I mean, I don't know who your aunt is, i certainly have not met her friend, if you are asking me where I from, I probably don't know who you are, its not like I am going to meet her anyway, so what is the point of all this, I know, I know politeness, ice breaker, blah! blah! blah!

Then of-course, there are those people, who would ask you all the gossips and then pretend they don't care, why ask, if you don't care?

What about our movies huh? they fool us in so many ways, we pay money to watch them and all they are doing is fooling us, like the other day I was watching Blood diamond, and Leonardo dicaprio is shot, he is dying (sorry if I have spoilt the movie for someone who hasn't watched it) but he doesn't die till his dialogues finishes or he has done the right thing, I mean, really? or how the heros would go all the way to save the world, only one guy to save the entire world, hardly seems fair, are the rest of us so dumb? or how women in movies are always the cause for trouble and seem so useless that the we get the heros in trouble and the hero will still love the girl, I mean seriously, sometimes I think if I were that hero I would be like, "I could have just died thanks to you B*&%H!!!!! get away from me".

And the women, the most thin women, size 2 or 4 complain about how fat they have become, I mean if you are fat then we are giants, is that what we should conclude?

Anyway, I am just mean, I guess I over analyse things, but ya I do get a bit annoyed sometimes over these issues, what things annoy you guys?

PS: sometimes I just feel stupid writing these blogs, coz I feel like I am talking to myself no one else care to read them anyway, except for my dad, hi dad :)

Things I have worried about.

When I was little girl there were a lot of things that I worried about, like; my father would lose his job and we would be homeless, that my parents would not love me anymore and then I would be homeless. I worried that one day I will wake up and everyone would be gone, that when we left for a holiday, they would forget about me, or that I would get lost and they will never find me. I worried, that my sister would turn into a ghost while I am sleeping and eat me, that when I grow up no one would want to play with barbies again, that when I swallow an orange seed a tree would grow out of me. I worried that one of my parents will fall sick and never get better, that one day I will see a ghost and I would not know what to do, that no matter how hard I tried I will never be good at maths, that everyone will grow up and I will still remain a little girl.

When I grew up a bit, I worried that I will never be able to catch a ball, that all my friends would become something while I still stayed back in my class trying to pass 10th grade, that my friends judge me for my marks, that my skirt's length would be too short, that my skirts length would be too long, that I will never be able to spell, that all my other friends will know what they are going to become. That all my friend know Michael Jackson's songs and I don't know the lyrics, that my father would find out that I bunked a couple of classes, that one day my grandparents would be too frustrated to live with us and thus resolve to leaving, that I will never be able to learn how to operate a computer. That they will find out that my favourite movie was in fact The Lion King and that I still watched Tom and jerry. I worried that I will become too fat, or I will remain to thin, that no one would find me attractive.

Now a days, I worry; that one day all the immigration will be closed and I will not be able to see my father again, that someday I will be too old to travel and thus will never be able to go back to India again, I worry that my husband will find someone more attractive and will leave me, I worry that someday he will get posted and will leave me, I worry that he will judge me because I don't know what pole vault was, I worry that I will never have any true friends in melbourne, that I would still be alive when the world would be coming to an end, that the world would run out of petrol or water, that we will never be able to figure out what to do about global warming, that I will become one those old grumpy ladies who takes ages to cross the red light while others wait, that I one day I will drive too slow and their would be a big queue of cars behind me, that my teeth would fall out earlier than I anticipated, that I still don't know what I want to do with life, that I will never stop worrying and thus will never be happy.

Our Daily choices.

Today, I went to the supermarket to buy myself a new shampoo, as DOVE like it promised would make my hair lustrous and healthier failed in it duties and instead made my hair fall more than grow. Fed up as I was, I decided, I needed a new shampoo. I don't have a car, so, obviously I had to walk all the way to Safeway, which is about a kilo-meter from my place... in the blistering cold I walked. Fighting the Antarctic winds, I finally made it. Now, I was standing in front of aisle nine or was it ten ( I can't remember) staring at the rows of shampoos, Frutis, Dove, Herbal Essence, Tony and guy, Tress me, Sunsilk, Loreal...Shampoo for frizzy hair, for volume control, for dry and brittle hair, for hair loss, for dull and lifeless hair...hell I have all these things, now I have to choose between, if I want my hair to look shiny or if I want volume, if I want no hair loss or dandruff control...What do I do?

You can imagine my plight here, I stared and stared as if staring would make choosing a shampoo easier but it was far from that, I stood there for exactly twenty minutes before deciding that maybe I should buy some groceries and in the mean time I will decide what I need. So, I bought tomatoes which was easy, the cheapest ones would do, tomatoes are just tomatoes they will taste just the same once cooked, I bought chicken which was simple again, bread, eggs, lettuce etc...etc lets not get into details, after about half an hour later I was in front of aisle 9 or 10 again, staring. BLANK. I sat down, these are tough decisions, maybe I should buy Tony and Guy products but its a little expensive, or I can go for Shea butter that should do my hair good, nahhhh...it smells bad, how about Panteen...nope. I hoped from one shampoo bottle to the another, maybe I should buy Ice cream, I really want some ice cream, I left aisle 9 or 10 and bought ice cream, I think I need chocolates too, hummm....some lindt, mars bars, M&M, Dairy milk...I think I should buy some chips too...there you go I bought some chips too. It was already quite late now, so maybe I should queue up before the line gets any bigger.

I reached home after three hours...need I even say...without any shampoo...maybe I will go tomorrow.

The girl I can't be.

I envy the girls around me who are always so perfect,  the girls who can wear white without spilling anything on it, I also envy them because they always remember birthdays, they have flawless handwriting,  read voraciously, always have something interesting to say, never swear, have the knowledge about everything, look pretty and clean, cook, clean, never talk behind anyones back and are always liked by everyone. How do these girls do it? What makes them so different from me...I wonder.

I on the other hand, I can't remember anyones birthdays, I don't think I have a single white shirt that looks white from every angle, I spill more than I eat, sometimes I stay hungary just because I am too lazy to cook, I swear as if I am using the word 'THE' in a sentence. If I don't like someone I will tell the whole world about it, I read only if someone tells me its a good book otherwise I don't scroll through the whole library to   find the perfect book. I don't work out for more than a month, I don't like salads and would rather order a big Mac meal than starve myself because I love food. I discard all the receipt and regret later, I am very bad with table manners, I never finish any task I undertake. These are just a fragment of flaws I have, the list is very long and it can go on and on but I don't want to bore you guys anymore.

Wait what was the point behind writing all this...oh yes...girls please give me some tips on how you do it. Here are a few questions I have for those perfect girls.
How can you girls have everything you need in the bag? I always end up forgetting exactly what I need.
How do you remember to wish everyone? I know most of you put a reminder but how do you remember to do that?
How come you girls always look so pretty?
How can you wear heals and not take them off after five minutes or in my case two?
How come your hair are always at place and your nails so perfect?
Please! please! please! let out your secret because for once I would like to be that perfect girl.

Cushions.

Last sunday or was it saturday, I don't know my memory is failing me sorry, my husband and I went shopping. It was beautiful morning, sun was shining, birds chirping, wind blowing in my hair. Now, we were just looking around to buy nothing basically but as we walked aisle to aisle, holding hands...smiling, whispering those sweet nothing (who am I kidding...that never happens) my eyes fell on these beautiful cushions. I left my husband's hand and ran towards them (in slow motion...very movie like) it was love at first sight after all. I stared at them, picked one up, hugged it, caressed it gently as if it were a child. My husband followed me scratching his head, picked one up, put it against the back of his head (probably even imagined laying his head on it) and kept it back. Then all the following happened (the unspeakable):

Me: "oh my god! these are so beautiful, they will match perfectly with our couch"

My husband: "hmm..." 

Me: "So can we buy em"

My husband: "Nope"

Me: "but why...you just said that these are beautiful"

My husband: "but they are not comfortable...besides, we already have cushions"

Me: "You mean those ugly cushions I bought five years back from the reject store, which have pillow covers on them?"

My husband: "hey you bought them...and like you got bored of them, you will get bored of these too"

Me: "no...I won't...I love these"

My husband: "LOVE...YOU GIRLS LOVE EVERYTHING....CLOTHES, SHOES, FOOD, TREES....SHOPS...EVERYTHING...IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DON'T LOVE"

Me: "So are we buying the cushions"

My husband: "Nope, cushions are useless, they are never comfortable, frankly I would rather use a pillow than a cushion, you can't sleep on it, you can't sit with a cushion...honestly tell me how many people do you see who actually use cushions while sitting? they always put either on their lap, like you, or beside them..."

Me: "You know everyones house looks so pretty, ours looks like a barack for army personals...although am sure even they are better than our house"

My husband: "other people are stupid and not practical. And you think that by adding these cushions our house would look beautiful..."

Me: " Yes...well not completely, we would also need a few table lamps, a coffee table, a few side tables and some artefacts plus oh a new carpet..."

My husband: "whats wrong with the carpet we already have...personally I don't see why we need a carpet either, it comes in your way while walking, gets dirty if you walk on it and then you have to clean it which we could have avoided by not buying it at the first place"

Me: "So now you have a problem with carpets as well...and we are not buying the cushions are we?"

My husband: "yes I have a problem with carpets and we are definitely NOT buying these cushions"

Me: "you don't love me anymore..."

My husband: "What? which love are we talking about now? your love for shoes kind of love? or love love or love as in what...what is love anyway?...BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!"

So, we did not buy the cushions.

Look into their eyes, what do you see?

Some emotions I captured long back. For some reason they still move me. What inspired me to click these pictures? I don't know. Maybe it was the look in their eyes or the fact that they didn't even have shoes and yet they never complained.

 Maybe the years of hard work etched on the old man's skin.

Maybe the fact that the boy spent 10 years of his life begging and saving, so he could buy a shoe polishing box, so he can earn money through hard-work and quit begging.

 This is the life we don't know about, this is the life we easily ignore, this is the life we don't want to talk about and ignore to easily.

We complain about petty things not realising how much God has given us. We should be thankful for what we have, just like they are, for what they have.

Catching up with old friends.

Its been long since I last saw them, I have to say I miss them a lot but most of all I miss the things we use to do together. I miss sitting under our college tree bunking classes, I miss having the horrible Rajma chawal everyday under the same tree, I miss driving all the way to Trivani art gallery just to pee. I miss sitting in my car with air conditioning at full blast because its so hot outside. I miss all my friends.

But Harsheet and Kanika, they are the best friends that I have known so far. All three of us so different from one another and yet so close. That is the thing about friendship, sometimes you will be friends with the oddest of people, people you can't relate to, people who can't relate to you and yet you will find this common ground that becomes a platform for your friendship. 

Harsheet  is calm, composed and very mature for her age. I remember Harsheet as a girl who wouldn't eat from the same plate (as friends do), who wore classy clothes with not a hair out of place, who listened to gazals and all the songs that we found boring. She was girly and I was boyish, she was reserved and I was outgoing.  If she was thinking sandals with skirts, I was thinking converse with skirts. We both were nothing like each other and yet we are like soul mates now. We have shared so much that I can't even remember where it all started. We have been through thick and thins. I have seen her change and she has seen me grow up. Either ways we both helped each other become a better person. 

Kanika on the other hand came to my life much later and yet it didn't take much time for me to get close to her. I met her the first time under a tree where she was sitting. She was new to our class and sat there snootily. She had certain airs about her. As overly bubbly as I was, I spoke with her and got a to the point reply from her. She didn't like me much earlier ( no one does...i grow on people like a song which you don't like but if you listen to if enough you will start liking it...ya you got the point). But soon, we found out that we had quite a lot in common. We both had almost the same taste in clothes, we liked the same music but that wasn't all. This girl was tough as a rock from outside but sugar and honey from inside, I will not be exaggerating if I say that people are seriously scared of her exterior (not physical appearance but her attitude). All three of us soon became friends and have been so far (knock on the wood). If I call them up now, they always have time for me. I can go on and on about my problems and they will always listen to me. We can start our conversation from we left it last, probably months ago and yet not feel distant or uncomfortable with each other. We can talk about random stuff and would bot judge each other if we don't know what pole vault is or what is 1/3rd of 15 (ya not the brightest stars in the sky) I don't know what binds us together, but we stick like glue to each other. 

 

 Now, I am far. I can't talk to them like I once use to. I can't just pop in at their places just for a cup of cold coffee. We meet once a year and those days just seems like the best days of my life. We all have changed each other in so many ways, we all have seen each others dark sides, we have seen each other cry and been there for each other. We have taught Harsheet to eat from a friends place, to sit anywhere on the floor without a newspaper, we have taught her how to head bang on rock music, I have learnt to be more sober from both of them, I have learnt that its ANYWAY and not ANYWAYS from Kanika. I have learnt how to pronounce red like a human being and Harsheet has learnt the correct pronunciation of trousers. I don't think Kanika out of the three of us has changed much she is still HOT as ever (she would say that). We have come a long way, I guess thats what true friends there for, to correct you when you are wrong, to trouble you when you don't want to be trouble and yet you will not be troubled, they will take you to watch the movie Black when you are sad, which will make you even more depressed and then spend the whole day cheering you up, they will give you a red rose on valentines day when you don't have a date, they will sleep in your room without air conditioning even if they believe they can't live without it, or punch you in your face if you try to wake them up too early, they understand where you come from and love you anyway, no matter how you pronounce any word or if you wear shoes with skirts.

Who should pay...me or you?

I was just looking back at the times when my husband and I had just started dating. The question that always bothered me then was; who should pay the bill, when we go out for dinners or lunches. Now, I am not the kind of girl who likes someone else to pay for my meals and he is not the kind of guy who likes the girl to pay the bill when he is around. Every time there would be a tug of war for the bill.
This went on for quite sometime. I had sleepless nights wondering what is the best way to deal with the situation because he would always end up paying for me and I didn't feel comfortable with this situation at all. Now, I know that a lot of you have been in that situation where you don't want to hurt your prospective life partner and you still don't want to make someone else spend on you. What do you do?
We talked about it and decided, we would dutch. The answer was simple but yet so complicated. How much can I dutch if we go to an expensive restaurant those days I used to be on a tight budget. Sometimes, I had to force him to just go to a dhaba (which was a lot of fun) so that I didn't have to spend that much or pack lunch with me and go for picnics. Now, the thing is money is one thing that we don't always talk about with our dates. So, it is also embarrassing to admit that whatever money I am contributing right now is the last bit...I might have to take a bank loan next time we go on a date. But soon, I realised that these things needed to be spoken of  too. If the other person is nice and genuinely interested in you he/she will understand that you feel embarrassed being paid for all the time and you can plan on going to a place that both of you can afford. It does not have to be an expensive place or the best night club, it could be a picnic in a park, walk on india gate, visit to the ancient forts or museum and art galleries. Trust me these things sometimes are more fun than going to an fancy restaurant where  you have to whisper to talk and behave in a particular manner or push your way through the crowd in a club.
Some of my favourite memories are the ones that didn't cost us much, like playing frisbee at India gate, sitting on a water tank watching the planes go buy, going for walks and sitting right next to the road and just talking.
Obviously, after a few months none of us cared for who is going to pay, we both paid, or sometimes he did and sometimes I did. It all became mutual but initially it was a hard and if there is one thing I have learnt is that you can never go wrong paying for your own bills.  I am sure even the guy will appreciate it considering he also might have a limited budget. Go dutch...take the safer road.

Some things I have learnt so far.

• Life is hard and will throw rocks at you, you can either get hurt and cry over it or you can face them, dodge them and build a fort with those rocks.
• Every cloud does have a silver lining. There is always hope which one must hold onto no matter how big the storm is...it will make you work towards a brighter future and sadness is always followed by happiness.
• Things will never go your way, but every things does happen for a reason.
• I am truly happy when I have made someone else happy.
• Its hard to smile in tough times but if you do it will make someones else smile.
• Selflessness is the best form of selfishness. Every time we do a selfless act its only because deep down we all know it will make you happy.
• True friends will accept you, irrespective of colour, creed, money and all your imperfections.
• One true friend means more than a group of stranger.
• Everyone behaves the way they do because of what life has taught them. Everyone's life experiences are different so do not judge them. We can learn something positive from everyone.
• Family will love you no matter how big a crime you have committed. 
• Death is inevitable so we should stop wasting time on worrying about it, rather we should live everyday as its last.
• There is nothing that time won't heal, it might leave some scares but it wouldn't hurt as much as it did once.
• Forgiving is letting go of the wrong and setting yourself free.
• Grudges can never make anyone happy. 
• Eyes of a child are filled with innocence and those of an old man with wisdom. We can learn from both.
• Animals are capable of showing just as much emotions as humans, they can be more loyal than a human friend.
• Sometimes you have to let go of logic to enjoy life.
• One person can make a lot of difference in the world, even if it means making one person happy at a time.
• Money is overrated. Too much of it is worst than having too less. You stop valuing the important things in life and get to consumed with greed and lust for more. Money also can't buy happiness.
• Wars are unnecessary waste of time, life and money. All the money and power wasted on war and nuclear weapons if invested on a better project like food for the starved and education for deprived would make world a better place.
• Tell your loved ones you love them and love everyone like your own blood. 
• Don't just stand there and watch, do something about it.
• A walk in the park is more fun than a walk in a mall.
• Value what or you have...nothing last forever and you will miss it when you don't have it.
• There is nothing right or wrong, no good or bad, no wise or unwise, no truth or lies. 
• If your heart stops beating you die, if your heart stops loving  then you are as good as dead.
• Imperfections are everyones perfections its how we perceive things that make things perfect or imperfect.
• Honesty is not always the best policy sometimes being dishonest for the sake of helping others is much higher act than being honest and making someone unhappy.
• If one choses to look they will find happiness in the most unimaginable things.
• We can only truly love anyone else if we learn to love ourselves.

These are just a few things that came to my mind, I am sure there are more things that I have learnt and even more things that I will learn. With every new learning I will update this blog.

Please share your learnings as I would like you learn from everyone.

My little girl who is not so little anymore.

I remember her as a toddler running around in piggy tails, I remember her as nerd  in her pink pyjamas studying all night, I remember her as a little girl singing sitting on the dressing table eating and drumming at the same time, I remember her poking scissors in the plug points and crying later for she got a an electric shock, I remember her swirling in her frocks and singing the whole day in her shirley voice .

There are numerous memories I have of her, and endless things we have shared. Like once, when Mama and Papa had gone to some dinner party, we took Mama's vanity box and put her make up on (the result was more scary than beautiful, as you can imagine) We ran around the house pretending to be He-Man and superman with our capes made from towels. The endless cat fights we had over stupid things like who gets more Maggie Noodles. The competitiveness over who learns how to ride a bicycle first. The weapons or strategic plans we made just in case thieves entered our house (which included a horrible mocktail made with chilli powder and all the horrible spices, slingshot made with dust filled in paper...just in case). I remember, her and I always fighting over who is going to spend more time with Mama and Papa. We both are not the kinds who would express much to each other but we will stand by each other like rocks. We are always saying the meanest of things to each other but will not stand anyone else saying those same things. Dad for one is a victim of our ways and always complains about how we both are the best lawyers for each other. These are the small things that might not matter to anyone, but for both of us these things define us. We have a love hate relationship and as much as I hate to say she is my best friend (ewww...I can't believe I just wrote that...now its official, in writing)

Now, she is a 23 year old lady, who is independent enough to travel in mumbai trains, who is working, who even has a boyfriend.The things is, I have always been very protective about my little girl. For me she is like my daughter, so, when she told me that she is seeing someone, my first reaction was disapproval. Even though, I was once in her shoes, I guess when it comes to our loved ones, a black godmother takes over us, who only makes you worry for the worst. I know she is a smart and intelligent girl, who is wise enough to know the right from from wrong, I still can't help but worry. I haven't met the guy, so, I am not very approving of him yet. For me, she is that little girl, who would often ask me for my advise on which dress to buy. Now, she is all grown up and found a boyfriend for herself... on her own. Honestly, I am not sure if I would be nice to her boyfriend, considering he is dating my little sister, and chances are if she gets hurt it would be most probably him which I cannot stand. I know, I know that I should understand and give them a chance considering I didn't listen to anyone when I was in her shoes, but I have seen her get hurt once and if that happens again I don't know if I would be able to handle it. These days I literally think of ways to torture her new boyfriend just in case he hurts my little sister (an empty mind is a devils workshop) I even have a few ideas, chinese torture, or how about hanging him upside down over a bucket of crab and lobsters, or even better rubbing chilly in he eyes and burying him alive (Mohaahaaha...that was my evil laugh) these are just few of the ideas but I have more, I won't bore all of you with it anymore. So, Dimpi if you are reading this please tell your boyfriend, to be AFRAID, TO BE VERY AFRAID and sleep with one eye open. :)

Anyone else reading this, please free to give me more suggestion on torturing. And NO I don't want to listen to how he could be a nice guy, give him a chance, or Ankita mind you own business etc etc etc. :)
I love you Mottu.

A poem I once wrote for my father.

As I wrapped my small hands around his finger
and stopped after a one step just to linger,
over too many questions or two
He would just patiently answer them few

As i jumped from rock on to sand
he was there with his protective hands.
He watched me grow with love in his eyes
smiled with me in every smile.

As I grew a little older
He was there as my strongest shoulder.
Every drop of tear that cried
he would release the saddest sigh.

The sleepless nights when I had high fever
he worked every bit  to stop me from shiver.
Every dream of mine he fulfilled
even if in return his were killed.

walked me through every walk of life
held me close when the dangers were high
everytime that i spent alone
only care love he had shown.

life always seemed so unfair
but he was always there just to share.
silently crying on my bed as i lay
those feeling and words that he would never say.

now I am married and far away I went
his blessings and love he always sent.
when things just seems to be harder
I will be there were the words of my father.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

When someone wrote this book, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus he wasn't kidding, he knew exactly what he was saying.
Women and men are from two different planets. Women want one thing and men want exactly the opposite. Women want relationship, commitment, love and marriage. Men on the other hand...well we all know what they want, they want no commitments, no marriage and definitely not any relationships involving love for too long.
This I learn everyday. Every morning my husband and I wake up and the battle starts. He says one thing...I do another, I say something and he doesn't agree. I want parathas for breakfast, he was thinking eggs. I want to watch romantic comedy and he want to watch action thriller. I am messy and he is way too organised. I am never late for any appointments whereas, he can never be on time. I spend money like water leaking from a tap, he is overly cautious. I am patient and he is not. I am a non stop chatter box and he is the strong and silent types. We argue over the remote, computer, which side who is going to sleep in, what to wear...what not wear, which toothpaste we should buy, which cooking oil is better, if Ron Paul is better or Obama. But the thing is no matter how annoying it is to keep arguing over such petty issues, these are the things that keep us going, it is actually our thing. We both like different things and yet we seem to just fit together. We both can't stand each other one minute but can't stay away for a second either. If you ask me, 'what I have common with my husband' I guess, I would say nothing but love. Love actually breaks all the barriers and binds two individuals together in such a way, that such differences don't mean a thing. Yes, men and women are very different from each other, but I guess we cannot stay without each other. Before I got married, I always doubted whether or not he will get married to me or not. If I would make a good wife, if we would be happy together or not, as time passed by, we learnt to live with each other, in fact the things that I hate the most about him are the things that I admire the most about him too. Ironic isn't it. I am guessing I am not the only one who feels like that. I love my husband, I couldn't have been happier (touchwood). In-spite of all the differences, we love each other, we find our ways around...we compromise happily, so, instead of romantic comedy or action thriller, we settle for horror movies, we take turns on either sides of the bed, I make parathas for myself and eggs for him, if I mess up the house he helps me clean it. I once heard somebody say, " Marriage is an ugly compromise" I completely disagree. Marriage is a beautiful compramise and no matter how much all the men disagree, in their hearts they know the truth even they can't do without us, just like we can't without them.

Bollywood Movies.

I just saw a Bollywood movie Full house. It is pretty funny. I saw a Bollywood movie after aeons and I have to say that the face of Bollywood has changed drastically.

Earlier the Bollywood movies had almost the same story line. Which went something like this:
There is a boy, who is poor. He has to take care of his, family...his family included a Mother who is blind, a father who is handicapped or suffering from tuberculosis and of course a sister who is in urgent need to get married. The burden of taking care of the whole family is on his shoulders. Educated as he is he can't find a job and thus has to do a labourers job of laying bricks. One day while doing so he falls in love with a rich girl, she loves him back. They both sing in gardens holding hands, dance at exotic places which with his meagre salary he can't afford but still manages. The boy meets the girls parents. Parents insult him, lock the girl in her room, she runs away using bedsheets and towels as a rope. Father gets angry, he hatches an evil plan to kill the boy. He sends his best HitMen to kill the boy, the boy is so strong he kills them all. In the meantime the boy has also abandoned his family to start a new life, ofcourse now that he has met the love of his life who cares about his sister's wedding, mothers eyesight or fathers illness. He hears the news that his sister has been kidnapped and abused, ashamed, she killed herself as that was only option left for her because police does not give a damn. Hurt and angry, he decides to take revenge. He is one mans army. He enters the palatial house of her girl friend's father which has more security that the Langley. He beats all the bad guys up with his bare hands and the father is left defeated, with no Goons, he surrenders. The boy is about to kill the girls father when the girl walks in and beg for her fathers life. He loves her so much that he spares it. Seeing the boys immense love or his daughter his heart melts and he gives all his property to the boy. Now everyone is happy. The End.

That was the basic concept of Bollywood movies not so long back with slight variations, maybe. The girls always wore saris except when dancing in the parks. These saris have been replaced by bikinis and shortest of all the shorts. The boys are no longer poor in fact on the contrary they are so rich they don't even have to work. Nobody knows what the boy is doing anymore. The fighting scenes have been replaced by comedy acts that have been carefully selected from a lot Hollywood movies that we don't hear of in india. Only the one thing that has persistently remained are the Songs for every occasion. We have songs for everything, like when we are happy, when we are sad, when someone is born, when someone dies, when they meet, when they are apart...even when a song is not exactly required. Not only that we even have Dances for every occasion which are completely synchronised, even the public knows all the steps and dance moves. Hats off to our Bollywood movies. SIGH!!! What would we do without the usual jhatka and Matkas, or without our action heros and sultry heroins.

There is always someone watching.

Yesterday, was a beautiful sunny day and after a lot of rain and chilly days, it was a nice change. I caught up with my friends  from work. Had a nice lunch and coffee in sun. Talked endlessly on random subjects...nothing important just irrelevant stuff which all of us found very relevant at that time. It is always nice to catch up with your girlfriends and do what girls do (ya keep guessing, you boys... what do we girls do when we are together).
After six or seven hours, I left them at work and was on my way to catch my train. I had to wait for half an hour before my train finally arrived. Honestly, I don't see any difference between Connex trains and metro trains they are just the same and are still always late or more.
Anyway, relieved the train has arrived I found a seat next to the window like I always do, started my usual business of staring at nothing. Just then this beautiful blond girl came and sat right in front of me. Everything, about this girl seemed perfect. Her hair were done beautifully, not one hair here or there. Her make up was flawless. Her nails perfectly manicured and trimmed. Her clothes, so perfectly ironed that one would believe that she didn't even sit anywhere the whole day...not one crinkle. She was carrying a folder which seemed perfectly organised, with all the labels and posted. She held a water bottle that read I am not plastic. Which gave me an impression that she cared about the environment. She made a few calls while on train and used her organiser to make sure that she is able to fit in every appointment carefully. We had crossed a few stations and she took out a bag of low fat grain wave chips. She munched on them and kept wiping her hands with a tissue. I was really starting to get impressed by her, until, she made one tiny mistake. As she got up to leave the train, she left the empty bag of chips on her seat. I kept waiting for her to comeback and take it along, to throw it in the bin (after all the government has installed bins for a reason) but she didn't. No matter how hard she tried to keep herself clean,  her life organised or buy non plastic bottles, she left the world in a mess. I realised that she didn't actually care about the environment and least about others who will have to go through the trouble of throwing the plastic for her. When I got up, all I could do was shrug my shoulders and pick her empty plastic bag to throw it away. A lady next to me saw that and smiling said, "sweetheart thank you". Not knowing what she thanked me for I looked at her blankly, she just pointed at the bag of chips. I then realised that there is always someone watching us.

You can't fire me I quit!

So, you know how they show in the movies, that an employee and his employer have a fight and the employer screams out loud, "YOU ARE FIRED" and the employee screams back, "YOU CAN"T FIRE ME, I QUIT"
That had been my dream situation to be in...I would storm out of the office or something and have a control over my life (dream big Ankita...dream big) and no one decides anything for me but if you look at it closely, what else can I say. If you have any self respect like I do that is the best comeback, I mean what other options do we have.
Remember how I told you about the secret meeting against our bald boss...and how I tried to give him my piece of my mind. WHAT WAS I THINKING....This is what I was thinking when I went to speak with him.

Me: Maurizio, you are not a very good manager.
Maurizio: Why would you say that, what have I done? :(
Me: You are not a patient listener, you boss too much, you don't work, you pick on us too much, and I haven't gotten a raise or promotion in 2 years and 6 months.
Maurizio: Oh Ankita, I am so sorry that I caused all of you so much pain, I didn't know I was being bossy and picky, how much raise would you like? Would you like me to promote you.

 Where as, this whole conversation went something like this.

Me: Maurizio, you don't listen to us, you didn't promote me, I haven't gotten a raise in 2 years and 6 months.
Maurizio: (typing on his computer) SO?
Me: So, what are you gonna do about it? You are a bad manager.
Maurizio: You are not good enough either and you don't deserve a raise either or promotion.
(ooouch that hurt)
Me: ( frustrated and angry) You are mean and bossy, lazy and don't help us one bit when it gets busy.
Maurizio: YOU ARE FIRED.
Me: YOU DON'T FIRE ME I...
The door slams on my face before I could finish my sentence.

Wow! It was just not what I expected...things sure looked better in my head. So, instead of me leaving by the end of this month, I have already been fired...correction...I QUIT!

Story of Papa bird.

Once upon a time on a tree far, far away there lived a Papa bird, a Mama bird and their two naughty Baby birds. They were the happiest bird family in the whole bird kingdom. The Papa bird would fly to work everyday and Mama bird took care of the two baby birds. The baby birds would go to their flying schools to become the best in flying the highest. Papa bird and Mama bird made sure that the two baby birds would get the best of the world. Papa bird often had to go away to far off lands to make sure that the baby birds and Mama bird have everything they need. Papa bird and Mama bird loved each other very much, so, when Papa bird would fly off to another land Mama bird would miss him immensely but never let the baby birds see her cry. The baby birds too, often cried when they missed Papa bird but he would always come back and things would be perfect again.

One day when Papa bird was away, in a land filled with dangers, a land which was filled with snow and avalanches he heard the news that Mama bird was very ill. With great difficulties, fighting the wind, the storm, the rain he reached to take care of Mama bird. He took her to the doctor where he found out that Mama bird had cancer but he never told anyone. He kept quite, smiled and helped Mama bird fight the pain. He stood by her side holding her hand, hiding his emotions. He had to juggle between work, baby birds and Mama bird but he never complained. Not even once. He was hurting inside but he always smiled. He never let the baby birds get affected by any of this. He made sure he attended all their birthdays, went to all the parents teachers meet, sometimes cooked and tutor them with flying lesson. All while going for his work and spending most of his time with the Mama bird, but who was taking care of him? No one. What was he going through then...he had no one to talk to, if he fell sick he silently took a medicine, if the  baby birds fell sick he would fly them to a doctor and take care of them, waking up after very hour to check if the baby bird were still suffering. He was sleep deprived, he was tired but everyday he would make sure that his offsprings were rested and comfortable. He wasn't eating properly, but made sure that his children had their meals on time. He hid his emotions so well, that the baby birds never knew what was happening.

Soon, Papa bird had to take Mama bird to a big city, to admit Mama bird in the hospital. Grandparents of the baby birds left their belongings, their homes to take care of the baby birds. Months and months passed by, there was no improvement in Mama bird's health. He did everything he could to save Mama bird, every drop of his blood, every cell of his body had just one purpose and one purpose only, to save the woman he loved so much, if he could, he would have given his own life to save her. Mama bird was weak and fragile, even in so much pain and chemotherapy, she smiled. Baby birds knew their was something wrong still never dared to ask, scared to hear the truth.

One day, while the baby bird and their grandparents were sleeping, they got a call, that the Mama bird has passed away. Not knowing what to say, grandparents did not tell the baby birds what happened but they all took off to the big city. The two baby birds wore their best dresses, and argued over who would spend more time with the Mama bird, but to their surprise, Mama bird was no more. For the first time they saw how much pain Papa bird was in, how even though he tried he could not hide his emotions. Even now, Papa bird tried to wipe the baby bird's tears, trying to control his because he knew that if he broke down then who would take care of his baby birds. Papa bird was asked to marry again and again but he always refused. He loved Mama bird too much to be with someone else.

As time passed Papa bird and baby birds learnt to live with this pain. . They had once decided that they will often mention Mama bird in their conversation, but the pain was so excruciating that they kept quite. No one wept in front of each other, but all silently cried when alone.

The baby birds were now teenagers, they had already started to spread their wings and hop out of the nest. Papa bird did not know how to handle this new phase the baby birds were now in. He tried and tried, he now had to be a father and mother to the baby birds. Eventually, he realised that to be able to handle his teenage baby birds he had to fly with them. He took of with them, they would go on various trips, one day they would fly to Goa the other day to jaipur. Papa bird started talking to the baby birds like their friends, the baby birds started opening up to him, they would do all funny things to make each other laugh. Some other birds thought that these birds were silly but Papa bird and baby birds knew that in silliness there was laughter. Baby bird now trusted him and would tell him everything, sometimes Papa bird would get worried and sometimes he would just listen. With time the dark cloud of unhappiness flew away and sunshine poured in. Time does heal any wound but cannot take away the memories and the scars left behind.

The baby birds have now flown away from the nest and Papa bird smilingly waits for the baby birds to come back again but never tells them how much he misses them. The baby birds miss him equally much everyday, and think about him in every thought, they wait to go back to him and cuddle up to him.
Papa bird has sacrificed his happiness for his babies, he smiled and showed courage when others would have broken down long time back. He gave his babies everything they needed, a mothers love, a fathers affection, a friends patience, a brothers protection...he never asks for anything in return. Papa Bird now prays silently for their happiness.

That Papa bird is my Father.

Thank you for everything Papa. We both love you. We are what we are because of you.

Our superficial world.

How real are we?
There are two kinds of human beings that I cannot stand; Superficial and fake human beings. I have categorised them in two different kinds; the people who are superficial inside out, creating an image of themselves that is not theirs, their whole existence revolves around living upto an idea that they think they are or should be, such as creating a fake image, using fake products, fake everything and thing about these people is they are so out of sync with their own true selves that they do not realise everyone knows how evident it is...they don't make an effort to be less or more fake, and I feel they are just in-denial. And then there are the second kinds, they seem morally genuine. These are the people who will effortlessly fool you into believing that they have your best interest in mind thereby gaining your complete trust and leaving you open for manipulation in the future. They will go around, pretending to be the nicest people on your face and then behind your back they will stab you ruthlessly, they will use your secrets to undress you in public, they will plan meticulously to make you look like an idiot. Yet, you will never know how clever these people are or what goes on in their minds, unless you find yourself a victim of these malicious people.

They say ' we perceive the world as we perceive ourselves'  that is we see the world as we are, if you are an honest person you will never think that anyone can cheat you, if you are a cheat you will never trust anyone. I think of myself as one of the honest people (most of the times or probably I could be fooling myself), I say what I feel and I usually say whats in my heart. That is how I see other people as well without realising that we live in a superficial and pretentious world. Nothing is as it seems. I have had numerous opportunities to learn from my share of betrayals  but I haven't, only because I can't tell who is a friend or a foe disguised as a friend, because I am too trusting.

I made a friend recently, initially when I met her I was intimidated by her, she is mature yet blunt, very on the face yet polite. I am just surprised that it took me so many years to actually think of her as a friend partially because I always felt threatened by her but one thing that always made me respect her was her honesty which I realised one day at one of the christmas parties at her house. One guy who happened to be our bosses friend started misbehaving with one of the girls in the presence of our manager. While our manager just smiled and did nothing but enjoyed the show, this girl stood up in front of everyone and told the boss to ask his friend to leave. She argued and argued, she stood up for what was right. A lot of people on the other hand would have just pretended to be minding their own business considering he is the bosses friend, a lot of people no matter how much they hate their jobs or their boss will go to extremes to be on their good side (even unscrupulously). Why do most of us pretend to be someone we are not, why wear this mask of niceness about us, why not just let this superficial skin fall off and let people see our true selves are we so afraid of what we are?. How long can we put up with this facade? one day or the other it will slip off without us realising it and that would be the day when we would be standing naked  and all alone.

My Mind is blank.

You know how you have those moments in life when your mind is absolutely blank. Like the only thing thats going in your head is a stupid song like pretty fly for a white guy and you don't even know the lyrics to that song, thats the state of mind I am in right now.
There are so many things I have to finish right now, like cleaning the house which is really really messy, have to wash utensils that have piled up like a mountain, wash my hair which I haven't done in three days, paint, I have just been turning a blind eye to everything from the past few days. I guess its just one of those days when all you want to do is just sit around and do nothing.
I mean I sat down to paint last night that was a disaster, the composition was bad and the end result was even worse. I felt so frustrated that I cried like a child. The weather is so gloomy and cold, everything is grey and am not getting any inspiration to get out of bed and paint or do anything at all.
You guys know I have left my job and I seriously started to wonder if I made the right decision. All the people are so nice at my work and I have to admit that I miss talking to most of them but that doesn't mean I am gonna go back. I just hope that my painting thing works out. I guess sitting at home has made me a little negative but I will come around. Till then the stupid song pretty fly for a white guy will just have to do. :)

Generation gap.

So, I was passing by a poster of Bonds hammer pants and I realised that I can't wear them. I mean they looked perfectly fine on the young girl who was wearing them but  when I imagined myself wearing them...I looked incredibly stupid. Similarly, when I think about it, I don't care about the latest phones anymore, yes I still use an old Nokia phone which is chipped from various sides, and I have to put it on loud speaker to be able to hear to someone, other than the stares from co- passenger while travelling in trains or trams that i get, it completes the purpose of a phone. Then comes the latest language, I mean I was chatting with a cousin of my husband who is very young and kept using 'Ma' instead of 'my', which made me very uncomfortable, and I wondered if me using the word 'Cool' while chatting may not not be cool enough for him. I am sure that if I were younger this all would have been perfectly normal but right now every time I hear young girls talking about latest shoes, bags and sales bores me. So, is it generation gap?

I was born in a time when colour televisions were just being introduced to homes, when radios were perfectly normal, when people used to still use floppies instead of DVD or USBs, mobiles became common much later before that they were a luxury. My father use to tell me how Radio was a luxury to have then, how they didn't have a television growing up and so on am sure if I speak to my grandparents they will have something that they didn't know of either. 

Now, every child has a mobile, knows only about colour televisions, probably wouldn't even know what a floppy is. Times change so fast that it is hard to keep pace. A time comes when we just stick with our times. What is our time? out times are the best times of our lives, when we enjoy the most. 

My time was when talking to boys was still looked at suspiciously, when late nights were a myth to me, when drinking was out of the question for girls and we wore denim skirts that reached our knees and were still considered short. But when I look back those were good times. 

My sister is growing really fast, from the young 5 year old girl running around in piggy tails she is now a23 year old independent  girl who works late, goes out for late night movies and dinners, wears halters and tubes. All of a sudden I feel concerned about her safety and talk to her about keeping a distance from boys. If this is not generation gap then what is it? My father once said that one has to keep moving with times in order to be not considered obsolete. Surely, he does, he respects culture but believe in not blindly following, he still talks about his times but understand ours, with time he became more of our best friend who listens to us and we can talk about anything with him. And one thing I learnt from him, keep an open mind to be able to move with times and fill the generation gap. Understand where these kids come from   and what there times expects from them. Just because our times were good, doesn't mean theirs can't be better, So what the hell if I would look silly in hammer pants, I can still wear my straight fit jeans and converse shoes and feel comfortable.

What was your time like?

Value of Life.

Two scenarios: 1) A four months old human child tortured and murdered. 2) A calf ruthlessly slaughtered. One is buried in a casket, gets a full media coverage and the other gets served on your plate. Is that the value of  non human life?
How many of us do actually have the courage to see animals getting slaughtered and then be able to eat, wear or enjoy it? What are we? Who are we? Who gives us the right to kill or torture animals like that? We are the worst of our kind. We think of our selves as God who can decide when to kill and when to save. If you watch television or read they will show you the final product and where it comes from, how tender it is or delicious but they will never tell you how they are murdered. We know where the butcher shops are, but we don't know where the slaughter houses are. We say the meat is not good enough, its flesh that we are eating, animals had to give up their lives to be able to serve your appetite to be able to please you.
We debate about practising euthanasia on human lives but when it comes to animals we don't put in one thought. In places like Australia, I haven't seen one stray dog, what do you think happens to them. Surely, we are not stupid enough to think that they live a very happy life in shelters where they are put in cages, where they are denied of their basic extinct of freedom and running. and if they run out of shelters then what? they die. All this for what, so that WE are safe from disease etc.
A lot of people enjoy circuses, bullfights etc we pay money to go there and see animals get tortured. We see animals sitting on chairs, performing and find them so CUTE but just pause for one minute and give it a thought, what would make an animal do something so unnatural to it. Answer fear, torture. All the bulls that are forced to participate in bullfighting, you would think that they have gone crazy or its their natural selves but what that bull must have gone through to behave like that, it is confused it doesn't even know why its being treated like that. If the animals retaliate for their freedom in their own natural way they are labeled crazy and killed. They can't talk, they can't express themselves so we decide their fate.
They are hung upside down, then we slit their throats, scalded and burned while they are still alive. We humans think that they don't feel pain, that the jackets we wear, the leather couches we sit on, the food we eat comes from animals who might have been treated in a kind way, what is a kind way? They are killed, they have lost their freedom, they can't do anything because they are treated like objects.
$50 or less if we turn them into food, $500 or more if we turn them into objects to wear or sit on,  $25 to see them perform that is the value of non human life. And what about Zoos they epitomise insensitive and irrational behaviour. We go their to learn about their behaviour without realising its not even their natural habitat. They don't have the freedom to behave in their natural instinctive ways. Think about what they must feel, how sad and alone they must be. We all overjoyed over the birth of a new baby elephant in Melbourne zoo, but it is sad, very sad. That poor elephant will never know where it belongs, it can only dream of a place it has not even seen and reduced to live its pitiful life amongst the shrieking of children and the terrifying noises of cars and planes. Just imagine being in their place surrounded by unwanted spectators.
Often when I work in the restaurant I hear people say, oh not the veal its a baby cow so does it make any difference if we kill a cow or a baby cow or chicken? they are all living creatures and deserve to live.
If nature could take its revenge for what we have done to our fellow beings, who all are made from the same thing, have almost the same feeling or more we would not be alive. We have abused this planet earth. We don't deserve to live. They say survival of the fittest but this is more than survival. This is mass murder and we all have participated in it...just think about it.
Below is a clip from the documentary- Earthlings. I guess even if I try I cannot express myself in words. Please watch the movie and think about how far we have gone.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

When I was a little girl, my grandmother always told me a story. Here is how it goes.
Once upon a time there was a mother who loved her only child immensely. One day the child forgot to take his lunch with him. So she asked her maid who had started the work that very day to go to her son's school during recess and give him his lunch. The maid asked, "but how will I recognise your son...I have only just started working here and there would be so many children there"  The mother smiled and replied,"give this tiffin box to the most adorable child you see". On that note she left. When the child returned from school he complained that he was hungary and he did not get anything to eat during his recess. Mother furiously called the maid and asked her why she did not give the lunch to her son like she was asked to do. She innocently replied,"Madam, you asked me to give this lunch to the most adorable child in the school, so I gave it to my son...because I could not find anyone more adorable than my son.
Her son was squint eyed and dirty with a runny nose.
To most of us it would not be the definition of adorable but to his mother he was indeed the most charming and adorable kid in the whole school. This story stuck with me for a very long time. There are millions of things that we do not find beautiful, but if you look closely everything is beautiful in its own way. Everyday, I look into the magazines, movies, television etc the emphasis is on beauty products, how to get slimmer, tips on how to dress yourself up, on make up, what to wear - what not to wear, what to eat what not to eat. Since when has size 4 become size 10 its just size 4. What is this new craze about being thin? I mean what are these designers trying to do...save money on fabric? And whats with Botox, why can't people just age naturally? the other day I was looking at Nicole kidman's photograph, to me once she was really beautiful, even now she is, but she could have aged into someone like Meryl Streep who with age has just grown more and more beautiful. It shows a true character of a person, who is pretentious and who is not, who welcomes life with open arms and who doesn't. As an artist I find beauty in everything in an old lady or man, in a puddle of water, a fence; everything that is not made up to look beautiful but it is. Look around you, look at the sky, look at the clouds, look at the birds, look at that person sitting next to you, look carefully everyone and everything is beautiful its just how you see. After all beauty does lie in the eyes of the beholder. If you are beautiful from the inside you will find everyone around you beautiful.

Pushpa!

I come from a land where most are below the poverty line. I have seen a world that no one else here can probably imagine of. I have seen people who have starved to death. I have seen a land where people have to beg for money. I have seen how people work in sweat shops for as minimum as $1 a day and they work for 10 hours straight or more. Its heart breaking and it just makes me wonder what I am doing here. We spend exorbitant amount of money on good food and then complain about it. We spend thousands of dollars on clothes and then throw them away. Do you know where these designer clothes are made, in sweat shops, in slums. The amount of money you spend on jacket is the money a person earns in a month which is not even enough to buy them three meals a day.
When I was India, I felt for these people everyday but there was hardly much I could do for them. There were these young boys and girls who use to beg for money everyday at the same traffic light. One of the girls name was Pushpa. She was a beautiful 8 years old girl who would clean my windshield everyday for whatever I gave her in return. I grew more and more attached to her and I saw her everyday for three years. One day I didn't see her, I didn't think of it much. The next day no show either. I was surprised that I had not seen her for four days. After four day I saw her and this perfectly healthy beautiful girl had lost one of her arm. I could see through the dirty bandages her wounds were still not healed. I guess for the first time I decided to bunk college to spend some time with her. I had to find out what happened. She was surprised that I wanted to spend time with her. I asked her to hop into the car and so she did hesitantly. I thought I would take her some place to eat. I decided to take her to the nearest Mc Donald's. On our way, I asked her what happened to her arm. She very innocently and as matter of fact told me that because she is not earning enough money through begging her master cut her arm. When I asked her if anaesthesia was used, she told me she didn't know what anaesthesia was and all she had was a rag of cloth to put between her teeth. I was in tears, I still think about it and shudder what kind of man would do this to an 8 year old girl. I could not believe it even though its not an uncommon practice in India. I tried to be strong in front of this little girls who now was playing with the dolls on the dashboard. There was nothing I could have said to her to make her feel better nothing to take her pain away. Nothing.

When we reached Mc Donald's she felt shy and hid behind me. I asked her what she wanted to eat, she didn't know what food we get there so I ordered her a happy meal where she got a small toy as well. She and I sat in a corner, uncomfortably she chewed her food and looked outside the window. We didn't say anything. In the mean time a manager came up to me and very politely asked me to leave. I asked him why and he said that they can't have children like them come in, as it will effect the reputation of the restaurant. Obviously, it ended up in a huge argument and I refused to budge an inch warning them that I would sue them, they didn't argue much.

After Pushpa finished her meal, I asked her what she wanted to do, she shrugged her shoulders. I decided to take her to the zoo, her eyes lit up at the site of animals that she had never seen before and probably will never see again. Zoo trip was fun, but I felt I haven't done enough for her yet, I took her shopping and bought her a dress and some shoes. She picked a very gaudy dress but what the hell she liked it so why not. The one thing that kept bothering me the whole day was her dirty dressing, so I took her to the hospital where the doctor changed the dressing. He asked me why I was doing it and I told him I didn't know. He didn't charge me anything for it. It was getting late and I had to go home so I left her where I picked her up from, kissed her goodbye and left. The whole while I was choking up and tears pooled my eyes. She didn't thank me in words but her smile and her eyes said it all. I saw her everyday she never took any money from me again no matter how much I persisted.

I wish I could describe how I felt afterwards but I can't. I wish I had the words that would do justice to my feelings or the whole situation but there aren't any.

Racism.

One word Racism, the most controversial, the most overwhelming word for any one.
I come from a land where everyone is the same colour, we all mostly speak the same language. Sure, like any country we all have our differences but when I came to Australia I truly understood the meaning of this word and how it effects everyone. People told me that Australia is the least racist country, I don't know if it is or not. India and Melbourne are the only two places I have ever seen in my life so I can't really compare, but even if it is the least racist country does it make it any better or worse?

Honestly, speaking I have not faced racism as such, I have been lucky enough to work or make friends with people who have better things to think about than which race is better or which is bad. Sure, a lot of people I came across have mentioned that I have a slight Indian accent and I wonder if it is actually bad? I mean who doesn't have an accent? Italians have an accent, so do Australians, American and every country that exist. So, why is Indian accent made fun of so much? English is not our first language and thus it is hard for a lot us to sometimes understand other accents or speak fluently because we have to first translate whatever you say to us in our language and then to english. That is just the language, what about colour? we didn't decide what colour we were going to be born in, we didn't even have choice did we? So, should people be looked down upon for not being able to chose the colour of their skin?

There was a restaurant I was working in long time back when I had just come to Australia on Lygon Street. and I had manager who kept asking me to work on my accent and change it to sound more Australian. I never bothered about him, I would not change my identity for anyone. Similarly, sometime back two guys were fighting at the station and one person said to the other, that he should go back to his country. This annoyed me, I mean what does it even mean, everyone is a migrant here. So, since when did any piece of land become theirs or ours? Frankly, I find these people to be not only shallow but also too free with no purpose in their lives to have so much of time to think about hating people and think of themselves as a better race. There is a saying in our country "Atithi Devo bhava" which means Guests are like God. Most of us you will find will welcome you warmly, respect you and open their homes to you. So if I have or any one else, come to your country wouldn't you welcome us?

I have never understood this concept of racism and probably never will. I have never thought of myself better or worse than anyone and probably never will. When will other people join me in this fight against the very thought of racism. We all after all,  breath the same air, drink the same water (San pelligrino not count as different it is still made of the same substance) so when the nature does not discriminate why should we? life is too short to fight over such small issues and no one has ever gained any thing in return.  It is just not worth it.

Lies!

Our whole lives are made up of lies. Good lies, bad lies or just plain lies. I guess you would say that it is a pretty pessimistic approach to life but the only truth is that everyday we lie. We lie to our loved ones, to strangers, to colleagues and to even ourselves.

So, is lying a good thing or a bad thing. In Bhagwat Gita its written that lies told to save someones life or for someones benefit are good lies. But how do you decide which lie is a good or which is bad. Lie is a lie, but sometimes better than truth. I have been working in my restaurant for more than two years and everyday I have witnessed lies either from customers or from staff, friends myself etc. for various reasons like putting up a smile even when we feel that this day could not be any worse, pretending to care about if they should have fish or lamb, seeing married people date other people and anything to everything.
 
Whats the relevance of all this? Well, when I was at work today, I realised how my manager is living a lie. I mean he has built up a whole world where he thinks he is a dictator and he is always right. I think its more delusion than lies. So, anyway, there was secret meeting where we were given an opportunity to say whatever we wanted to say and everything would be 'confidential' somewhere the whole thing got leaked and we were in trouble. Now, my manager thinks that we betrayed, cheated and lied to him. After the meeting when I met him today I confronted him and told him that he has some problems that he needs to work on. Instead of listening to me or anyone of us he insulted us and told us we were not  good enough for him. Which is fine considering that he is upset right now. But while talking to him I realised that he believes that he is always right and everyone around him is stupid. I mean coming from a man who told us that Asia was a 'country' and India was in east asia which is a different continent from asia, a man who ordered us to wipe the water jugs from the outside because he did not understand condensation, I mean seriously?   So, he is lying to himself everyday that he knows best or better than anyone else and because of his delusional attitude most of us have resigned. So, my question is, if you don't talk about something you know...is it still counted as a lie? and which is worse lying to others or lying to ourselves? you answer.